That's one heck of a situation. Let me start by saying I know where you're at organizationally: I do all the paperwork and detail work for our club too. I also teach the kids and work with a lot of the new students. Our club is through the university, so we have no overhead on the space, and because of this we offer free classes. This means that all the expenses for gear, traveling, etc. comes from our pockets.
Also, while we do have women who pass through, and even one or two who've stuck around, I'm the only long term female student at this point. My experience has been: Some of the guys clearly go way light on me, and some kick me across the room. None of them refuse to spar with me. If they did that in our gym, it would be them sitting out, not me. If we have an uneven number, we rotate who's out, or the instructor is out.
I would find a time to calmly tell the instructor that you are being denied the workout you're paying for, and because of the sexist atmosphere at his gym, you're going to pull your financial support and services, and you're finding a new place to train. If he doesn't negotiate, and then actually provide, solutions, leave.
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