Interesting thread. I myself need to learn how to say "yes, you're going way too hard." It's one thing to get hit hard when you can adjust what you're doing say in boxing or something (i.e. if I get hit too hard I get better at slipping, etc.) but I mean it's not like you can even defend yourself when you're practicing releases on each other... I have an injury from my last class because one guy was going way too hard. It'll heal, but I think I'm partially to blame because at one point he asked me if he was going too hard (we were just working kicks and punches and we had padding we were holding up but of course you can feel it through the padding) and I told him he was fine. I guess I'd rather just get used to it than ask someone to go lighter (and I want us to be able to train realistically), BUT there is a big difference between say kicks and punches (especially when I can adjust how I hold the focus mitts and Thai pads so they're not directly on my knees, etc.) and JOINT TECHNIQUES.
I don't think it's a macho thing for me as much as it is trying to learn how to deal with it, but part of it was having trouble reading the guy--is he asking me if he's going too hard for his own personal satisfaction, or is he really concerned about if he's going too hard? It can go either way. I mean you never know. Half the time (in my MA experience) when I ask people to step it down a notch they go even harder, so...
There's usually like one guy in any given class I go to (except MMA where everyone I train with is a rock star) that I really don't want to partner with, but sadly some classes make you partner with everyone.
"Throw as hard as you want to be thrown" is a good rule of thumb but not really applicable to people with different skill levels.
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