Best legal weapon to carry?
Without a doubt? Anteater.
Allow me to elucidate. I never go anywhere without my trusty anteater balanced on my head. Whenever I am confronted by undesireables I scream,
"Seize them Nigel," (My anteater's name is Nigel by the way) and he swoops down upon my hapless foe, swishing his wings and uttering a hideous, blood churdling battle cry. It sounds a bit like "Urk urk urrrkk urk." A bit, but not much, I'm crap at writing sound effects.
The enemy usually breaks ranks at the sight of such fury.Unless they are Spartan warriors, in which case, they form a phalanx and try to fend Nigel off by jabbing spears at him and crying "Bugger off."
Nigel always wins in the end though.Usually by flicking his anteater tongue megafast and doing a one man (anteater?) conga around the enemy's defences. Ahh! Sweet!
All this means I never have to do any actual fighting personally. I just sashay luxuriously to the nearest mini bar and drink Dom Perignon until Nigel finishes slaughtering my hapless antagonists.
So, just to recap, ANTEATER. |