Fighting in general

[DavinWest]

hey just a quick question.
How many of you are all about just fighting, period?
Cuz I see two sides, defense and than just fighting. how many of you are into actual fighting, some starts crap and you retaliate, or are you more defend yourself -no more, no less, do you know what I mean?

alright kewl

l8er

[sikal]

Originally posted by DavinWest
hey just a quick question.
How many of you are all about just fighting, period?
Cuz I see two sides, defense and than just fighting. how many of you are into actual fighting, some starts crap and you retaliate, or are you more defend yourself -no more, no less, do you know what I mean?

alright kewl

l8er

Hmm ... I'm not sure I understand the question ... but I'll try to address this.

In my mind, "defense" means going home safely at night to my wife ... not to the hospital, jail, or morgue. This means that I'm going to (in PC terms) "nullify the immediate threat as quickly as possible and extricate myself from the situation as early as possible." In more colloquial terms, "I'm going to shut him/them down as quickly as possible so I can get on to more important things."

Since I don't want to end up in jail, I do keep in mind the fact that once the "immediate threat is nullified" I become the agressor if I continue attacking. So ... once I feel that I'm out of immediate danger, I walk away. By the same token, if I see an exit, I run like hell before I even have to fight.

Pak Herman Suwanda (RIP) summed it up best when describing the Mande Muda logo. To paraphrase: the "trisula" (sai) in the logo has three points.
First Point: Talk
Second Point: Run
Third Point: Fight

If you can't talk your way out, you run. If you can't run, then you fight. If you get them out of order, then you may end up fighting the bad guy, running from the police, and talking to the judge ... this is the wrong order.

I'm a firm believer in this strategum.

So ... if that didn't answer your question, then you'll have to rephrase your question :-)

Regards, Mike

[DavinWest]

Yea thats Basically it =o)
thanks!
the
talk
run
fight

thing is really good! thanks for that.
Thats my hardest thing, I'm always up for the fight and its really hard to just not fight sometimes, i just get very defensive with people and take everything the wrong way. that mixed with pent up anger and agression is not a good combination. but its gettin better, I love everyone =o)

anywayz now I'm rambling
l8er yo!

[jester700]

Yeah, you really have to chill on this. You may get away your whole life without running from a fight OR paying the price. But then again...

You may accidentally hurt someone too much, and lose your house & car.

You may misjudge someone, and when he gets scared that you're out to kill him (even though you're not), he pulls a shiv and you lose your life.

And either way, you'll never know until it happens. Is ego worth that much?

[DavinWest]

see its not about ego with me or anything. i'm just kinda a pissy person and get sick really easy of being pushed around and my friends getting pushed around and i'm always the first guy to stick up for anyone and everyone, which usually gets me in trouble, but i just hate seeing people get picked on, ya know?

[sikal]

Originally posted by DavinWest
see its not about ego with me or anything. i'm just kinda a pissy person and get sick really easy of being pushed around and my friends getting pushed around and i'm always the first guy to stick up for anyone and everyone, which usually gets me in trouble, but i just hate seeing people get picked on, ya know?

Oh yeah, I know. Bullies are one of my biggest "triggers." But, I talk first (either to the bully or to someone in authority ... i.e.: a manager or someone of wherever I happen to be).

I rarely get bullied myself. I'm not a small guy and people usually just leave me alone. The last time I was bullied (or it was attempted anyway), was about 3 years ago. A manager in the company I worked for (he wasn't my manager but I had to deal with him) felt that proper management consisted of intimidation and bullying. I was having none of it ... so every time we talked, there were sparks. Then one day, he shoved me. I resisted the urge (and, let me tell you, it was a strong urge) to put him through a wall. Instead, I made a flip remark that took his brain off-track for a second or two while I walked into a nearby office (it was another manager's office). Well, Jim (the bully), didn't want to continue the discussion in front of anyone else, so he let it drop. When I got back to my office, I explained what had happened to my boss and told him that it'd be a good idea if Jim and I didn't work together anymore because I would only let Jim get away with that crap once ... if it happened again, Jim was going to the hospital. Terry, my boss, of course, explained that if that happened both Jim and I would be fired. I calmly explained that Terry was missing the point. That's exactly why I figured Jim and I shouldn't work in close proximity anymore.

Shortly thereafter, I quit that job (completely unrelated to Jim ... there was just too much travel involved). Before quitting, though, I found out that Jim had already been reprimanded several times for verbal abuse. Mine was the first time (to their knowledge) that he'd physically done anything. I told my boss (and his boss, when I was called in to tell him what had happened) that it wasn't a big deal. If it had been a big deal, I'd have handled it differently. I just wanted to make them aware of the situation so that if someone else came forward with a similar incident, they wouldn't be the first.

The way I saw it: So what he shoved me. He didn't injury me and I perceived no actual threat from him at that time. Why blast him? Like I told my boss(es) if I'd thought it was a big deal (i.e.: if I'd thought I was in danger), I'd have handled it different. I talked, I ran, then I talked some more (to my boss). Since I quit, I have no idea what happened to Jim. I hope he crossed the line and was fired and sued (or maybe even went to jail) ... I think he deserved it (and was on that path). I think I was the first one he physically touched *because* I refused to kowtow when he got mouthy. Everyone else was intimidated because (a) he was a manager with some clout and (b) he was about 6'6" and 320 lbs.

Now, if I had thought he was an actual and immediate threat to me ... or to someone else, I would have put him in the hospital. But he wasn't an immediate threat to me or anyone else (that I was aware of). So I made the proper people aware of the situation so they could keep an eye on him.

I have found that physical violence is almost never necessary ... except in particular environments (i.e.: I've been in some bars where I figure that physical violence is at least routinely, if not frequently, necessary).

My advice, Davin, would be to relax. Unless there's about to be blood spilled, don't get keyed up. Just talk the situation down (either with the bully or with someone in authority who can handle it). Unless you're the person in authority who needs to handle it, don't ... you could end up in serious legal hot water. If you see no other alternatives, then do what's necessary. This strategy will cause you a lot less stress over the years ... possibly save you from an ulcer (if not jail or worse).

Just my opinion, though ... you're the only one who can make the final call in any situations you find yourself in.

Regards, Mike