Body Language - 'talking the talk' & 'walking the walk'

[HuSanYan]

I have been looking into body language and thought the following might make a point for discussion with regards to our practice of all and any of the MA's...

HuSanYan says most communication consists of body language, voice tonality and words. This in itself may not seem remarkable but when you realise that body language accounts for 55%, voice tonality 38% and words only 7% of communication you may begin to understand (those that don't qualify for the Jerry Springer show,that is ) what a vital role body language has in self defense. Most opportunistic assailants will have already decided who their
victim is before any words are exchanged so it follows that a person's body
language is a major factor when an assailant is looking for a victim.

Having read some interviews conducted by Geoff Thompson (British Combat Association) with muggers, rapists, etc., the general consensus was that the victims had ‘asked for it’. In one case the attacker had walked past the victim no less than 4 times! It was obvious to the mugger that this individual was not aware of their surroundings and therefore would be easy to approach. With little or no warning a victim will almost certainly experience an Adrenal Dump with the likely outcome being paralysis through fear, in other words, they will be at a loss to take in what is happening let alone put up a fight.

We make decisions and assumptions about others by their body language
and they do the same to us although we often do not realise why or even
how. This often takes the form of feeling an instant like or dislike of someone
for example. Just as common is the inability to quantify these feelings.
'There's something about him I don't trust. I don't know what it is but I
just don't trust him'. Sound familiar?, sounds like BriThai and the likes.

It is important to recognise the way in which we communicate to ourselves
with feelings because they are vitally important when it comes to reading a
situation and if we can learn to trust these 'feelings' or instincts they will give
us an edge.
When someone gets too close to us we feel uncomfortable, they are 'in our
space'. Again, unconsciously we all know to respect the space of others and
avoid doing getting too close. In a crowded train when we are forced to be in
very close proximity to others, sometimes even touching, we display our
unease by standing rigidly a clear signal that says 'I know I'm in your space
but I don't want to be here, I feel uncomfortable with this and I'm not a threat'.
This situation is very common so next time you are on a train or bus and you
find that it is crowded try to notice the change in the body language of others
and of course, yourself.
If we now apply this situation to the street we find the rules have changed slightly. You never see people as close to each other as they would be on train or bus, unless of course, they were intimate. The area which we call our 'space' expands and contracts according to the situation, less than a foot on the train, four to five feet in the street, twenty or more in an empty street at night etc.

For self protection purposes we need to understand if an invasion of your
space is a threat or not and for this I will give you two examples.
Example 1:
You are walking along a street and you are approached by a man who
walks right up in front of you, smiles and asks for the time of day.
So what's wrong with that? It seems quite innocent until you look a little
deeper. This person has quite literally blocked your path, he may be smiling
but his actions are totally aggressive. He is in your face and in your
space, you cannot move forward and because of his proximity he is taking up
most of your field of vision leaving you open to a blind side attack if he is not
alone.
Do I sound a little paranoid? Let me explain. Ask yourself this 'How would I
approach someone if I wanted to ask the time?’ I cannot speak for you but if it
were me I would probably lean into their field of vision to get their attention
(not block their path), smile and say 'Excuse me, do you have the time
please?' and I would probably lean into their field of vision at a distance of four
to five feet. I must point out that this is not a strategy I devised for asking the time I just paid attention to my body language and noticed my behaviour,
something we can all do.
Can you now see the difference between the first and second approach, how
the first is a threat disguised behind a smile and the second is normal
innocent behaviour?
Other clues to help you:
The Eyes:
Is the person looking at you or are they looking to see if the coast is
clear (i.e. Witnesses)?
Breathing:
Is the person breathing heavily or quickly. (Possible sign of adrenal
release)
Voice:
Does the person's voice quaver? (Possible sign of adrenal release)
Skin Colour:
Does the person's skin appear abnormally pale? (Once again, Possible
sign of adrenal release or drug abuse making them less susceptible to
pain or reasoning)
Asking someone for the time of day or asking for directions should not give
anyone cause to experience adrenal dump. This is a major sign that the person is possibly hyped up prior to an attack.

Paying attention to body language allows us to build a picture of the intentions
of the individual. One sign alone does not confirm our assessment but when
three or four point to a possible threat we had better pay attention, and
quickly. If someone intends to rob or attack you they will experience adrenal
release, look for the signs but bear in mind that an experienced person may
be able to disguise them so focus on body language and proximity.

Example 2: (This is more applicable for women)
You are on a crowded train or bus and you notice that a man touching you
with his body but it seems innocent.
I know a lot of women who have been in this situation and they have reacted
in many ways but one of the constant features was that initially, they did not
want to make a scene because they were not sure whether or not the contact was intentional. I must underline that none of these women are martial artists or contacts through training circles, I want to point out that these are people I have met socially or at work to underline how common this type of incident is.Some of these women later found they had been sexually assaulted and no, I won't go into details.

Many people find it hard to believe that you can be sexually assaulted in a
crowded train or bus in the middle of the rush hour but although it is not an
epidemic it occurs regularly enough to be highlighted here. Don't forget that
most incidents will not go this far and sexual gratification does not necessarily
involve groping someone, this could mean rubbing your leg with theirs,
standing next to you when you are sitting with their crotch close to your face
or (as a woman friend of mine noticed) placing their hand on one of the poles
on the train so that when the train moves your breast touches their hand! The
possibilities are endless.
Another common feature was that the women were (at the time) not confident people. In other words they didn't look like the type to turn around on a crowded train and shout 'fcuk off you pervert!'.

So how can you tell if the contact is a more than innocent? As stated above
you need to be aware of body language and when we get too close to
someone we show outward signs of discomfort by changing our posture. In
most of these cases the person who was too close did not display these signs
which means they did not feel uncomfortable in the situation. This is all the
more prominent when everyone else is displaying discomfort.
You cannot though rely on body language alone as the person might just be
unaware or inept at social graces but there are ways of finding out. Most men
would be horrified with the thought that other people thought they were acting in such a way as to appear 'creepy' and when aware that a woman is
uncomfortable in their presence will often apologise (whether guilty or not)
and make sure they keep their distance. This can be used to gauge a
situation by checking their reactions.

Here are some suggestions.
Make sure the person knows you are there:
You can do this by coughing or making seemingly accidental contact. If we
are already in contact for any period of time we soon become unaware of it so
movement will draw attention.

If the person is behind you:
Try and move away, if they persist and move with you 'accidentally' step back
onto their foot with the heel of one of your shoes making sure you use all your
body weight. Immediately turn and face the person and apologise sincerely
for your mistake ensuring plenty of eye contact and then keep facing that way. If you are sitting down with the man facing you:
In this situation make sure you use you legs as a barrier. The person is going
to look away as if they are unaware of the proximity, if you want to take action you can get up and move to another carriage or part of the train or bus but as you do so firmly but 'accidentally' catch their groin with your elbow or handbag and immediately apologise profusely.

If you are sure it is deliberate:
Often this is difficult but you must be strong and say something. Either step
away or if necessary push him back and shout out something like 'How dare
you!' or 'Get your hands off me'. This is guaranteed to grab the attention of
those around you although you cannot rely on anyone else to intervene.
Remember that the only knowledge of the incident other people on the train
will have will be from what you shout so a simple 'fcuk off' might imply
familiarity with the person and many people do not like to get involved.
Obviously your first course of action should be to seek assistance but this is
not always possible, if you need help ask for it.

I remember a situation in New York when a young woman pushed a grey haired man through doors of the shop I was in and repeatedly slammed him against them. She was shouting 'How dare you touch me! Who do you think you are?' as she did this I was thinking 'What's going on?' and then 'Good luck to you'. Several slams and a few choice words later, she turned around and shouted to everyone 'Are you just going to stand there? Can someone help me?'. After that I went over and stayed with the man until the police arrived (HSY the big hero ). When I spoke to the woman it
turned out that the man had groped her on a bus, she lost her temper,
dragged him off and forced him into the shop. After the initial adrenaline rush
had expired she was exhausted and upset that no-one had helped her! I can't
speak for anyone else but from where I was standing it looked as if she was
doing just fine.

Now here is my point, it 'looked' as if she was doing just fine. Unless you let
people know exactly what you want they will judge a situation the way they
see it. It took this girl all her strength and courage to tackle this man but when the reserves were empty she needed help, if she hadn't asked for help she may not have got it. Remember that!

Awareness and body language are inter-related. Your body language will
broadcast for all to see your current state of awareness and it is extremely
obvious to anyone looking for the signs. Being aware will alter your body
language and being aware will also give you time to assess the situation.
This in turn will again alter your body language letting everyone who is looking
know that you are aware. In other words, a mugger who may see you as a
victim will realise that you are aware and find you less easy to approach.
Without surprise on their side the prospect of resistance is vastly increased
and this will hopefully force the mugger to look elsewhere.

Unfortunately muggers and their ilk don't wear labels so any approaching
individual unknown to you is a potential assailant. This may sound a little
bleak but it's just the way it is. Being aware is not paranoia but subconsciously
scanning your surroundings and when you have mastered it (which doesn't
take long) you won't even realise you are doing it.

HuSanYan has spoken, so stop 'talking the talk' and start 'walking the walk' & pay attention to body language.

[darrianation]

To add some awarenss skills.

Situational awareness.

The Factors:

1) Know the types of crime that are most likely to happen in the area where you live?
2) Type of crimes in you neighborhood?
3) Type of crimes where you work?
4) Type of crimes where you walk/exercise (out doors)?
5) Type of crimes where you play (bars, gym, etc)?

You can do searches of your local newspaper for these statistics or contact you local police. Be aware of changing trends.

Other valuable procedures (developing your own procedures)
1) Set up and keep current procedures
2) Do not deviate from these procedures
3) Be prepared for specific places you may go in advance
4) Continually scan the environment and asses as you go

Failures come from:
1) Complacency
2) Bad judgment
3) Lack of knowledge
4) Lack of preparation

Things to know (developing procedures):
1) Know the environment you expect to be in (day or night, neighborhood, place like a bar or a party)
2) Know the risks
3) Be aware of your surrounding, be aware of escape routes, and be aware of the people near you and in the direction you are going. Be aware of agitated people or people in a heightened emotional state
4) If you think you are being watched vary your routines (walk/drive different routes, change direction, etc)
5) Know where safe areas are (police station, fire station, places that are public and well lit with plenty of other people around, friends Holmes, etc

*Remember you don’t run from danger you run for help!

Know the stages (clues of attack)
1) Triggering event- Hey what the f*** are you looking at, the middle finger, honking of the horn, etc.
2) Escalation- Person squares off, threatens violence, sentences become shorter or cease altogether, he may increase his breathing, he may make fists and tense up (these are common clues but are not exclusive)

Some basic safety tips:
1) Be aware!
2) Take a friend (do not go out alone, specially when drinking is involved or bad areas of town, or at night)
3) Walk and act confident- Hold head high, back straight, and walk briskly (body language)
4) Do not wear expensive jewelry, or show you cash of in public, etc
5) Rounding corners swing wide, keep a safe distance from foliage, doorways, and dark places, etc.
6) Parking lot security- Park in a well lit area, park as close to the place you are going as possibly, be aware of people lurking around your vehicle when returning, etc.
7) Car security- Have key ready, have a small light for fast access to the lock at night, lock doors and windows immediately after getting into your car do not sit and wait in car listening to music or talking on cell phone, drive away, etc.
8) Home security- Lock all doors and windows even when you are home, do not open the door for people you don’t know talk through the door, know where and how to obtain weapons quickly (guns, knifes, clubs, hasty weapons, phone and phone numbers)
9) Watch for people who are dressed incorrectly for the environment or weather like a raincoat on a sunny day or a coat in warm whether, etc
10) Be aware!

[EnlightenedOne]

Well, where I train at, they have this program called 'F.A.S.T. defense'
Fear Adrenaline Stress Training. I don't know if anyone else here has heard of it but it is a great program. Basically, the instructor or instructors walk up to you and try to intimidate you or something like that and you have a coach standing behind you talking to you. One of the situations is someone asking the time, just what was used as an example above. Anyways, when you first start out they just intimidate you or something at first and maybe a little physical contact. But then, after a couple of times doing it, it involves intimidation and then physical contact. The instructors wear protective gear by the way because the students beat the crap out of them. But it is pretty intense with yelling and screaming and stuff.
Just some interesting info.

[grubbogoppoly]

"4) Continually scan the environment and asses as you go"

I think scanning asses can get you into more trouble...


SOrry, I could not help myself

[EnlightenedOne]

Has anyone heard of 'F.A.S.T. defense' here?

[darrianation]

Originally Posted by grubbogoppoly

"4) Continually scan the environment and asses as you go"

I think scanning asses can get you into more trouble...


SOrry, I could not help myself

Oops! I guess you would get into more trouble.

Since you found the error does that make you a wise ass?

[darrianation]

Here is how to assess your own personal risk (not dependant on immediate situation)

The four elements that go into any physical threat assessment:

1) Develop and implement a threat plan
2) Identify behaviors and actions that constitute a threat
3) Distinguish the level of threat
4) Determine response

Develop a threat plan based on your personal safety:

1) Gather intelligence- research local papers, contact police to find out what type of crimes that are going on in your vicinity. If you are planning a trip do the same for the areas you will be going, and hotels you will be staying, and areas of the city you will be visiting
2) Assess for most likely places and types of crime you are likely to encounter
3) Talk to your neighbors about crime in your neighborhood
4) Stay informed and monitor changes in trends

In this installment I’ll talk about establishing you own personal safety risk category.

Assess your risks:

Individual safety risk assessment will have four main categories.
1) Career
2) Life style
3) Area in which you live
4) personality

Career: What kind a job you may have may affect you personal risks such as a police officer, soldier, bouncer, body guard, the transport of money for your business or a security company, working in high crime areas especially in businesses that criminals like to target, etc?

Lifestyle: Activities like drinking and who you drink with, the crowd you hang out with, do you engage in criminal activities like burglarizing homes or businesses, deal drugs, or take drugs, do you flaunt your wealth in public like cash? Etc.

Where you live: big metropolitan areas, or rual places, high crime or low crime.

Personality: Do you get along well with others, are you confident or cocky, or do you have a low self-esteem, do you have good common sense, do you practice good safe habits, are you violent or aggressive? Etc.

You would be in a high risk category if- Ask your self these questions:

1) Do I live in a metropolitan area?
2) Do I live in a high crime area?
3) Do I work in a high crime area?
4) Do I work in a job that is likely to be targeted by criminals?
5) Does my job entail confronting violent criminals?
6) Do I frequent high crime areas?
7) Do I carry large sums of money?
8) Do my friend’s behaviors put me at risk?
9) Do my personal behaviors put me at risk?

Risk levels:

High-risk:
1) Careers- cops, soldiers, doorman, security guard, correctional officer, body guards, someone who transports large sums of money, etc.
2) Criminal activity- Engage in gang activities, dealing/buying drugs? Involvement in crimes such as burglaries/robberies, etc?
3) Live in a high crime area in a large city.
4) Work in a high crime area especially if you work at a gas station, liquor store, or a convenience store, or even a fast food restaurant that a more likely to be targeted for robbery, etc.
5) Flaunt their money around especially in public in high crime areas.
6) Exhibiting violent or aggressive behaviors.
7) Frequenting high crime areas alone especially at night.
8) Transportation- Use the Subway, or bus stations in bad areas of town alone at night.
9) Hang out with people whose behaviors get them into fights or trouble with the law, or other risky behaviors.
10) Any other behaviors that can put you at high risk.
11) Lack of awareness, lack of common sense, lack of self-esteem, etc.

Moderate-risk assessment
1) Living in a low to moderate crime area in a metropolitan city.
2) Frequenting establishments where there is drinking or drugs but they are in low crime areas.
3) Going to bars in high crime areas but with friends.
4) Going into bad areas during the day with friends.
5) Going out alone at night but in an in low to moderate crime areas.
6) Most times even when in bad or high crime area you reduce your risks by having companions with you and using common sense.
7) You may live in a low crime area but exhibits poor judgment, lack of awareness, lack of common sense, lack of self-esteem, etc.

Low-risk
1) Living in a low crime rual area.
2) Living in any low crime area.
3) Avoiding high crime areas.
4) You go out with friends but only in low crime areas.
5) You have and use good common sense and avoid risky behaviors.
6) You keep aware, have good judgment, common sense, and are confident, etc.

Obviously there is more to risk assessment but from this you should be able to establish your own personal risk category.

*Remember anyone at any time can be a victim of violent crime regardless of you personal risk category!

Please feel free to add to this.

[grubbogoppoly]

Originally Posted by darrianation

Oops! I guess you would get into more trouble.

Since you found the error does that make you a wise ass?

LOL...I guess I will take that as a compliment. First time someone has called me wise in a long time

[darrianation]

Originally Posted by HandtoHand

Good post HuSan, although it was full of places which in which the words could be twisted to a preverted meaning. Among them "hand around pole" was amusing and i could help but noticing that it seams as though you're selling out your fellow pervert for a piece of action.

Also darr fell into that trap to although i already do scan the assets of females. Although i'd think that encouraging perverted behavior would be beneith him. jj

H2H you damn pervert!

[Hermosa]

In my opinion we often forget that the purpose of doing this stuff is so that you can go out and do all the other great things in life fear-free.

It is a dangerous thing to get yourself too caught up in the "What if" game. No matter how good you are and how long you train, there will always be more what ifs. Pretty much, if you are putting some good time into a discipline that is "Alive", like BJJ, Judo, Boxing, Muay Thai, or Wrestling, you can be sure that you have developed that realistic attitude. Then just go about your life..enjoy the beauty of the earth and have fun.

Worry is the least productive form of mental activity.

[darrianation]

I agree with you to a point but there would be now thinking outside of the box without “what if”? There would be fewer solutions to problems if somebody somewhere didn't say hum.... what if I tried this?

I think you have to play the “what if” game if you want change. You have to put your ideas, and theories to the test. And every now and again retest them.

Using our imaginations, and developing hypotheses, then testing those hypothesis under realistic conditions then saying “what if” Keeps things changing and evolving. Only through a thorough testing and retesting of our ideas under different sets of circumstances can we find truth. “What if” plays a big role in this.

[Hermosa]

Actually very good point..I appreciate the insight.

[darrianation]

Originally Posted by Hermosa

Actually very good point..I appreciate the insight.

In all fairness I think of what if's as a positive but If it is used just to argue then it is non-productive.