totally nerd of the worst kind trying to change

[coldascrystal]

First some back ground I am a 30 year old black male from the deep south 249, 33 percent body fact a total geek high voiice and scared of his own shadow. Raised by my mother mostly and very little clue what a man is. a lot to share i know but i think it best that i let the full picture be shown for the best advice. As a child i was even more shielded because of sevre asthma. so i grew up rarley leaveing the house as my mother didn't wnt me to. so now i am a thirty year old tying to grow up and be a man, since i finally relized that i am the worst mouse i have ever seen. I want to change an am iin the process of doing it i have atarted body for live and am loseing weight, i am taking lessons to deepen my voice and studying the manorisms of men like avery brooks, lawrance fishburne, james earl jones, denzell washington, john amos, and forest whitaker to learn the movements, mannerisms and gestures of true black alpha males. while trying to notice and eliminate. the feminine gestures that come from being raised by a woman.

my question to this forum comes from a critcal piece of self confidence that i must learn but have no real clue how. at first i thought it was aggression but i now know its more than just that. there is a song by a rapper named bonecrusha called "neva scared." It basically tells me the truth of what i am trying to become i have to find away to control my fears of fighting confrontation bigger guys and such. yes this is about a girl one i proably will never get. but the problem will come up constantly and the later i start the harder it will be to change. Women don't want a weak scarred man, they want a protectot who is confident in this physical abilites. i need to learn how to do this. As youths in black communities fighting is encouraged and taught. If you look at dave chappelle's season 2 dvd you will see that charlie murphy's attitude is like the one i want for my self. His stems from when he was young, if he was getting in a fight outside his building his mother would hang a belt out of the window and yell " you better beat his ass or i am going to beat yours," even in my neighborhood thousands of miles away it was common that if kids of any age got into a fight the loses family would take him back day after day untill he won. so my question is how do i duplicate this in my 30 year old like make it so the fear of street fighting is not in me and eliminate the fears inside.

[Jab902]

WOW looks like us on the forums have alot of work to do.

If you ever quit or give up cuz it's "to hard" or your trying to take the easy way, your a pussy. Train your hardest all the time. And sinc you have asthma i'm going to stress that you do lots of cardio and your asthma will get somewhat better. My advice is join the most badass Mixed Martial Arts gym you can find (thats like UFC fighting if you didn't know already) and train your ass off. Getting your ass kicked just makes you want to train harder so you can kick there ass. I have more to say but it's dinner time so I'll pst more later.



just remember puh your self and don't give up. (but don't push yourself into an asthma attack, watch your asthma it can be dangerous, i know friends who have almost had an asthma attck for trainning to hard on the swim team.)

[kiddbjj]

just be who you are mate...

self improvement is a great thing, but it is SELF improvement, not trying to be like other people.

train your body and mind daily, learn to live a credo of daily betterment. there will be ups and downs but in the long run you will develop a determination and commitment to yourself that will allow you to achieve almost all your goals.

if you want to learn to fight do a combat sport like boxing, muay thai, bjj, judo, wrestling etc. they will whip you into shape and get used to taking and dishing out punishment. how much of a philosophical edge they take about an approach to improving your life depends on the teacher.

if you just want a peronal challenge and some thing to dedicate your time and energy to, with less emphasis on fighting then any of the more traditional arts will suit, eg. karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, japanese ju jitsu, aikido etc.
they tend to have a greater philosophical side than combat sports BUT NOT always.

remember there is more to life than fighting but it can definately be a great vehicle to teach you about life and yourself, if its done in the right way.

[Jab902]

Originally Posted by kiddbjj

if you just want a peronal challenge and some thing to dedicate your time and energy to, with less emphasis on fighting then any of the more traditional arts will suit, eg. karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, japanese ju jitsu, aikido etc.
they tend to have a greater philosophical side than combat sports BUT NOT always.

.

I'm going to have to disagree, I have no problem with TMA but I think if he wants tuffening up it should be some sort of fighting you'll be in better shape and be tougher and be able to give (and recieve) some serious punishment.

[kiddbjj]

thats what i said

[EmptyneSs]

its good that u want to improve however think about the reasons and goals u are doing it for. it shouldnt be to win street fights or pick up chicks, but it should more so be for yourself. with your size a grappling art would be great for u. ever think of doing ju jitsu or submisson wrestling ? or u can do muay thai or boxing instead and boost your cardio and strengthen your lungs. martial arts can help u get in shape and will help u build confidence and strength. i recommend lifting weights and working out on the side as well.

[kurt_myers0369]

testosterone booster...... j/k I would definitely go for a more hard core style where conditioning plays a major part, MMA or muay thai would be best. good luck!

[bigred389]

Anywhere where you'll get to spar people better than you, but who also aren't complete assholes. Also a form of sparring where mistakes = pain.

Boxing...MMA...wrestling, high speed low drag type combat sports.

[GranFire]

Take it from me, women don't always want the *protective man* we have learned a lot in the past decades to take care of ourselves. A man who can pick up his dirty laundry and dishes and deposit them where they need to be is much sexier!

Talk to your Doc about the astma! Depending on where you live, your choices may be limited, but almost anything is better than doing nothing. Think Baby steps! You will not be the next Bruce Lee over night, give yourself time! Keep the impact of your workout low untill you have gotten in better shape - I am not harping on weight, muscle tone/mass is more important than what the scales say!

Find the nearest trainer you like to work with (that's very important in the beginning, I believe) you can always switch to a different style later on if you so desire!

Once you will be comfortable with who you are, I am sure, the girls will come!

[Adept]

coldascrystal, although my area of psychiatry isn't on personality psychology, but I'll give my two cents. I hope it helps.

I think either Judo or GJJ will do you good, both mentally and physically. When you tap out or tap others, you'll learn humility and humbleness. You'll love to learn to lose because you'll discover your weaknesses and improve upon them.

By admitting you are what you are, you've taken the first steps to better yourself. You ever hear the lines "Confront your demons and defeat them"? Well, truth be told, that's not entirely true. You find your demons and confront them. You confront them and confront them and confront them some more. You can control it, or it can control you.

When you shower or bathe in the tub, sing. No, really, sing your heart out. Sing something....nice. A happy song is really good for, well, everything. I listen to whatever's on the radio, but I find that hip hop or rap songs don't really fit the mood, not that I'm a hater.

When you wake up and go to bed, you wash your face and etc....after you do those things, talk to yourself in the mirror. Everyday. Yeah, seriously. Say something nice like "Hey, how YOU doin'?" or "All right, bud, I'll catch you later." Say it with a smile also. After you get NATURAL with doing that, start talking to the mirror for 5 mins, saying whatever's on your mind. Believe me, once you start doing that, you'll have so much to say. Like, bills you have to pay or maybe talk about the new music video you saw on MTV and whatnot.

I don't want to post too much for now, but I thought I'd give what I know on the mental aspect you're trying to fix. A good body with a crippled mind is not a good body at all.

Good luck.

[danfaggella]

1) I'm glad you're really getting inot self-improvement and health, deticate yourself to fullfllment of these goals.

2) You don't have to fight men on the street for women. You don't need to fight to be a man or to be confident or to attract and intrest women.

[Juicefree]

Good Post Coldascrystal, good effort for wanting to develop yourself.

Take it slowly when you first start with martial arts, you are going to be sore, stiff and feel injured for the first few months however nothing worth while comes easily so stick at it and your rewards will come. Constantly keep in mind your final goal and success is absolutely guaranteed with dedication and will power.

I'm not really qualified to give advice but I have plenty of encouragement. Keep at it and post the Forum with your progress.

Good luck.

[JarheadBJJ]

Your talking to the wind. Coldacrystal has moved on. His post was freakin 11-7- of 2005. No update since and only one post from that user name. Don't think he went the martial arts way. Hope all is well Cold.

[Jiu-fu fighter]

"if you just want a peronal challenge and some thing to dedicate your time and energy to, with less emphasis on fighting then any of the more traditional arts will suit, eg. karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, japanese ju jitsu, aikido etc.
they tend to have a greater philosophical side than combat sports BUT NOT always."

might be off topic, but since when in the hell did some of these listed become non fighting??
I can say that I have done some jiu jitsu, kung fu, and karate. and that they came in very handy for fighting,, I don't know if you are just saying that because there is a stereotype of these martial arts being weak... but at least for the schools I have gone to this is totally not true
hell one of the adults at my kung fu school is being accepted for extreme cage fighting, which therefore gives him the rank of being a proffesional fighter, I have seen many kung fu students or karate students beat up boxers and kickboxers, but I guess it all depends on the attitude of the school.

ok thats my rant

oh yeah, good luck to the guy who started this thread, just be yourself, train hard and have passion and you will do well!

peace