A hypothetical interview with John Matua

Interviewer: Good to see you, Mr. Matua. You're looking well.

Matua: Thank you.

I: I'd like to talk to you about your most controversial fight, the UFC6 match with Tank Abbott

M: That again?

I: Yes. You've made some controversial statements in the past about that loss...

M: What do you mean? It wasn't a loss.

I: Excuse me?

M: I said it wasn't a loss. I dominated Tank in every way.

I: Um, are we talking about the UFC6 preliminary match?

M: Yes. Tank was over-matched and ready to fall. Only the referee's intervention prevented my clear victory.

I: I'm a little confused. Could you please explain your position?

M: Certainly. Tank came out strong looking to punch me. This of course was what I expected from a bully unaccustomed to dealing with a "bone-breaking" expert like myself. I absorbed the energy of his punches with my face and channeled the power into my capacious belly. Then, I almost caught him with a guillotine choke...

I: Then he hit you.

M: Actually, he was trying to tap, but his fist hit my face. And I slipped.

I: You slipped?

M: Yes. And hit the mat.

I: At which point you went into a seizure...

M: No.

I: What do you mean? Your legs and arms went completely straight...

M: At that point, I was using the energy I had stored in my belly to summon a loa, a Hawaiian spirit-god. What you saw was my projecting the loa into Tank's body.

I: What?!

M: Don't you remember him spasming?

I: He was making fun of you.

M: Nonsense. That was the loa taking possession of his body.

I: So...then what?

M: That stupid man, McCarthy, thought I was injured and stopped the fight, just at my moment of triumph.

I: You didn't look too triumphant on oxygen...

M: I was overcome with emotion.

I: So what happened to Tank?

M: He managed to win his next fight, but then the loa took his lungs away and he lost the final match. Actually, the loa also affected the wind of his opponent, Olay.

I: Oleg.

M: Whatever. So the loa destroyed both of them, leaving me the true winner of UFC6. To this day I have not received the recognition I deserve. I'm glad today I could set the record straight.

I: Well, um, thank you. That was very...interesting.

M: Not at all. Thank you.

[YeLLa-TiGeR]

HAHAHAHAHAHA
thats some funny shiet!

[Zhoozhitsu]

You must have a little time to spare. Hahaha. That was indeed funny shiet.

And this from a man who knows his "shiet"!

Actually, I have no time, but I must procrastinate.

4 exams in one week...ugh! 3 left to go.

[duchman]

lollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollolloll ollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollo llollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollol lollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollolloll ollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollo llollollollollollollollollollollollollol

[yusul]

heh. loa=lol

[JCameron]

LOL!!!LMAO!!!!
That has to be the funniest shat I've read on here in a long time!!!!!!
-Joe

[yusul]

Ronin, ya gotta do an interview with the all-time great, Fred Ettish!!!

yusul:

That would be fun, but it would be hard to top the Fetal Fighting Web-site.

Joe Son, however...hmmmm.