Q&A on health and fitness

[dan downard]

The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise:
>
>Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
> true?
>A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
> Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make
>you live
> longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by
>driving it
> faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
>Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
>vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
>allowance of vegetable slop.
>
>Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
>A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
> we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
>categories:
> animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not
> animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that
only
> leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy
> your liquid vegetables.
>
>Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
> one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
>Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench
> press. What did he mean?
>A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up
> your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you
> find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably
> ought to reevaluate your exercise program.
>
>Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
>program?
>A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.
>
>Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
>A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind.
> If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.
>
>Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
> In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
> bad for you?
>
>Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
>A: Thicker gravy.
>
>Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
>middle?
>A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
> should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
>I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.
>

[bobby_steeles]

dan! where did you find this interview with stusskilla?!

[dan downard]

It's all part of the drunken monkey training.