I'm Tired of Hearing What "Works in the Street"--Here's What Works in the Street

[Playa]

Let me tell you fellows: I've dabbled in SCARS, SEAL training, Japanese jiu jitsu, Kendo... but really cut my teeth on shirtless Greco Roman wrestling. So I've been around.

It infuriates me to see ad after ad in the latest Black Belt promising things that work "in the street." Oh, okay , Mark Kerr--you KO'd Ranger Stott and now you have a tape set? That's gonna save my keister when I'm attacked by savages in the street?

Paul Vunak, The Dog Bros... go peddle your fraudulent wares elsewhere. I know what it takes to survive in today's urban, hostile environment, and you can, too--through Scientology.

That's right, folks: let's not mince words here. You can practice arm locks and kesa gatames all you want, but if you truly want to dominate a man, Scientology has the tools for you. Before you can dominate your partner's well-cut, writhing body... you need to dominate your own mind, as I did (actually I did both). So if you're at a blue belt level, say, in your art... you can expect to stay there mentally by taking the laymen's path.

Doubt me? Look at John Travolta before & after:

Before Scientology: Stayin' Alive
After Scientology: Pulp Fiction

BTW, Frank Stallone sang the title song, "Stayin' Alive." Because Frank chose archaic Christianity as his path, we never heard from him again. Had he taken the enlightened path, he could have been the next Michael Bolton, for whom I have only adulation and respect.

Consider your own path:

Before Scientology: Blue belt BJJer in some mall in El Paso
After Scientology: Rickson Gracie, but shirtless and with a bushy mustache. A man's man.

Speaking of which, I found the path to true domination concurrently with another new approach for me: rabid ultra-conservatism. It was only after I threw out my Bruce Lee posters and started screaming about big government, capital gains taxes, corporate first amendment rights and Sean Hannity--coupled with my Scientology background--that I saw the light. Now, along with Tom DeLay, I've got a poster of Dick Cheney in a cowboy hat on my wall. I've drawn chaps on him, but that is my preference.

So I'm telling you: put down that Kali stick, take off those grappling gloves, put down that SCARS book on autokinetics... all you have to do to join is agree to a vigorous physical. And join Bob Barr's reelection campaign. That's all.

You can reach me here if you need more information.

[pfsjkd]

he could have been the next Michael Bolton, for whom I have only adulation and respect.

You just threw all your credibility right out the window with that statement.

[likuid]

is there a scientologist uniform that i have to buy? And do the chicks dig scientologists?...please be honest

[Playa]

We certainly cannot be distracted by young jezebels when there is so much shirtless grappling to do, Sir.

[Mad Dog]

Although Frank Stallone did sing some of the songs in "Staying Alive", The title track was sung by the Bee Gees. Not that I've seen it or anything...

[Shimora]

Tom Cruise before Scientology = Closet Homosexual

Tom Cruise after Scientology= Penelope Cruz


I see your point.

[Shimora]

BTW You mentioned the demise of Frank Stallone but you neglected to tell us what horrors happened to Joey Travolta.

Maybe they run a support group for untalented siblings along with Dan Swayze.

[SweepEm]

Huh?

[EJ]

Dont forget Roger Clinton.

Can Michael Jordan's brother dunk???

Can Mickey Finn's brother handle his beer???

[Hookah Smokin Caterpillar]

I am so confused

[Shimora]

You must be kidding Hookah?
It makes perfect sense to me.

[likuid]

Isn't there some sort of scientology foundation or charity where we can start sending money? And what about clothes, can we send clothes? i have these adorable leather chaps i can't wait to donate!!!

[Playa]

I must respond, Shimora, to your assertion that Tom Cruise was a "closeted homosexual." Tom was merely keeping himself "pure," as we are taught to do in Scientology--not to soil ourselves in carnal pleasures with comely hussies.

While his first wife, Mimi Rogers, apparently was not far enough up the pyramid to comprehend this and thus divorced him, there was hope that his second wife would adopt to this lifestyle and come around. Alas, she too has chosen to abandon the path to purity.

I can assure you that this facade of Penelope Cruz and Tom being together is merely that: a fabrication to keep the liberal media from making unwarranted assertions in order to advance their real agenda: which is to install big government and elect Hillary Clinton as president--with that Jesse-loving Barbara Streisand as Vice President. But Tom is too smart for them, and so am I.

Anyhoo, if anybody would like to sample my new video series: How to Disarm Shirtless Attackers and Keep Them from Pentrating, feel free to post your email address here. I'd also be more than happy to send you Scientology literature as well and a copy of L. Ron Hubbard's book, Space Men Came to Me As a Child and Made Bathtime Hurt, an autobiography.

Also included is a computer-animated video preview of large, manly industrial drill rigs penetrating the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge... something we have looked forward to for some time now.

[Shimora]

Congratulations, im a convert.

Where do I sign?

[Mickey Finn]

Originally posted by EJ



Can Mickey Finn's brother handle his beer???

EJ!!!!

The man, the myth, the King of Plastic.

You know very well I did 20 years for killing my brother. I thought it was justified homicide. You just don’t drink the last Newcastle in a man’s refrigerator, even if he is your twin brother.