When Should We Walk Away?

[Great Sage]

Just last night in a Walmart parking lot a guy made a comment about my sister as we were walking back to the car. I felt like I needed to say or do something, but I refrained from doing anything. The guy just stared at me like I was cold turkey... Had I said something, I know we would have gone at it. My sister just shrugged it off, but I felt like a volcano about to erupt.

Needless to say, walking away from a fight is hard... I know it’s only my pride that gets hurt, but all the same it hurts. Do you guys think I did the right thing? Can anyone relate? I did feel better after envisioning myself choking the guy into submission.

[JIMI]

Here is my opinion on that situation.... i am almost positive i will differ from others on this but i would have not said anything and walked right up and broke his nose. Reason being...... its family, and i know how protective i am of my family, especially my sister. Occasionally i feel it is necessary to teach people respect, and sometimes that requires a little action. I feel that a day or so in lockup is worth it to me, especially if its family. Be honorable about it. Even if society thinks its wrong, do the right thing in your heart

[Grape_Ape]

I think you did the righ thing it takes a lot more self confidence and control to back down from a fight. I personally feel I have nothing to prove to the average jackass in a Wal-Mart parking lot. If myself or my sister's physical safety were in danger I would act, but getting into a fight with a moron doesn't make you much better than him. You should always back down unless doing so would cause you or a loved one physical harm. I think a lot of people on this board are more of the brawl to show how much of a man I am so I don't think you'll be alone JIMI.

[JIMI]

Grape Ape, i can appreciate your input on this matter. I whould have elaborated a little more and told you that i believe that if the spiteful incident is directed to me, then of course i practice self control and tolerance and i dont respond unless the situation elevates and the opponent gets into my engagement zone. However i dont believe that martial artists should tolerate when someone else is being instagated. What is the point of doing all of this training and living by a warrior code if we will just stand by and let innocent people become victims? I can see your point but i dont appreciate your little jab at my intelligence by stating that you are more of a man than i because you would tuck your tail and walk away.

[jcolvin]

my opinion is that until he invades your personal space then he is just talking. You can't fight every loud mouth that crosses your path. The way I was taught is avoid confrontation if you can, but if you can't go all out. Personally, I think you did the right thing.

[Grape_Ape]

I actually wasn't making a comment about you. It was directed at the meatheads that will find their way to this topic. I respect what you were saying as you gave a very good reason not just the kick his ass sort of answer.

[JKDude]

I'm all for a cooperative society, and I really do find today's levels of brawling and weapon toting quite disturbing (even if most of the latter is all talk). Having said that, I consider it admirable when a person is able to defuse a dangerous situation through non-physical means. However, if a person is offended by some moron's words (regardless of how brainless they are), or if a loved one is so attacked, what good does it do the victim to just "brush it off"? Does he feel liberated? No. Does he gain any satisfaction from telling himself that "I'm better than him"? Maybe a little. Would he feel great in toppling the goofy a**hole? Certainly. He'd just have to decide whether the perp deserves it (a moral and very personal decision, ultimately), and whether or not the guy's courage is made of 440 stainless steel.

[Scott Kano]

I reckon you did the right think also. I would have only fought him if he had of touched your sister or came up real close with hostile intent.

[eXcessiveForce]

It's all great to say that someone should fight for honor and such. But there is no honor lost in walking away. There however would be a loss of honor to cowar from an enemy.

Honor does not mean someone should forsake logic. First you must ask yourself is anyone being injured. Is the attack worthy of a response. Are you ready to put your life on the line for what was said.

So someone says something, so what. It is all pride. There is no honor in pride. Or more importantly Pride goeth before a fall.

You don't know what the repercussions would be if you did something. When you have loved ones with you, I feel if you can get away without altercation then get away. The alternatives are just to costly.

Say you run up and smack the guy and he manages to smack you and knocks you out, or has a weapon. So know you are incapacitated. Then they decide to abduct your sister and rape her.

Victory is never certain. We may all want to believe it is but the reality is everyone can have a bad day.

Why would anyone risk the welfare of their family or loved ones because of some moron's remark. It makes no sense.

When I was about 13 a guy in his 50's followed me home after he saw me running one night. He had mistaken me for someone who broke into his car. Anyway, I got into the house and soon after there was an irate guy beating on my door. I was home alone. So I grabbed the revolver from the drawer and went to the door. I conceled the gun behind the door and had a conversation with the man. At this point the guy never realized the danger he was in at that moment. And I was the one trying to de-escalate. Funny in hindsight. Later the police showed up and it happened to be a JKD instructor I knew and he went and talked to the guy and after that he would wave and be friendly evertime I passed by. But to this day I doubt he realized that his actions could have cost him his life all over a mistake he made.

Another story was when my high rank students and myself were out changing a students tire that had gone flat while we were working out. THere were about 7 of us and a scrubby little guy came up and and said "any of you mother Fu ckers know what time it is? We all started laughing and he looked at us funny then looked at what he was infront of and apologized promptly and said he meant "could anyone tell him what time it was."

He was stupid and potentially in danger and never knew it.

That is the same thing anyone does when they enter into an altercation. You may be headed for disaster and not know it till it's to late.

I always told my students that if I got into an altercation that I could have gotten out of. And I sustained any injury even a hang nail then I lost. Because now I must suffer the pain inflicted by someone else regardless if I beat the tar out of them.

Just a thought. End Rant

[Great Sage]

Thanks a lot for your responses guys... I feel better already.

Truthfully, I was very, very close to responding in the manner JIMI suggested... Had I been alone, I may have. However, whatever stopped me may have been the uncertainty of the situation and the repercussions... After much thought, I realize I did make the right decision based on the following:

- Someone's arrogant remarks isn't worth my time.
- My sister and I were in no real danger.
- You can't fight everyone who mouths off.
- I live in a good city where there is hardly any violence.

Special thanks to eXcessiveForce... I learned something from your post.

[dkm]

I think you should have beat him up. My logic is that you have been blessed with the knowledge & practice of martial arts. If you can use that art to bring justice in this world, even if it costs your life, then why not do it? It will stop people like that from doing it in the future to someone else. Think about it......this guy has done it to other people before and they didn't say anything and now he feels even bigger & more arrogant....as in "no one can stop me". If everyone in this society simply walks away, people like him will increase in numbers without having the fear of any repercussions. Even if it wasn't your sister, kick the shyt out of scumbags anyway.

[Great Sage]

Originally posted by dkm
I think you should have beat him up. My logic is that you have been blessed with the knowledge & practice of martial arts. If you can use that art to bring justice in this world, even if it costs your life, then why not do it? It will stop people like that from doing it in the future to someone else. Think about it......this guy has done it to other people before and they didn't say anything and now he feels even bigger & more arrogant....as in "no one can stop me". If everyone in this society simply walks away, people like him will increase in numbers without having the fear of any repercussions. Even if it wasn't your sister, kick the shyt out of scumbags anyway.

You know, I think you have a very valid point... Sooner of later someone will step up to this guy, maybe it should have been me? There's an old saying: "Evil-doers will get their just desserts..." So you're correct, someone's got to be the one who puts their foot down... We can't all be the guy who simply walks away because what if next time the guy decides to act on his words?... Either way, it's a little late now... I most likely won't run into this guy anytime soon... The funny thing is my buddy tried to go look for him again at Wal-mart... i was like "stupid."

[JIMI]

So now you know, and knowing is half the battle LOL

[H@pkid0ist]

Originally posted by JIMI
Here is my opinion on that situation.... i am almost positive i will differ from others on this but i would have not said anything and walked right up and broke his nose. Reason being...... its family, and i know how protective i am of my family, especially my sister. Occasionally i feel it is necessary to teach people respect, and sometimes that requires a little action. I feel that a day or so in lockup is worth it to me, especially if its family. Be honorable about it. Even if society thinks its wrong, do the right thing in your heart

I can understand and sympethise, but the problem here is that this would have been assault. Personally I would have spokken out, but would not have become physical unless the other person became so first. I would stand up for the honor of my family, but would do so using my brain first. If you feel like throwing down is something you wanna do then bait the guy to innitiate the physical confrentation so that for you it is always self-defense.

[seeker]

Jimi I think you did the right thing. I´m pretty certain that you would regret it now if you would have fought the guy. You would propably sit in the court thinking "why the f``k did I do it".
I think it is best to back off as long as it is possible, but if there is no chance of getting away use all the power you have available.