Tom Yum

The time you spent asking trick questions could be better spent silent or mugging down with your guy rather than creating drama.

Why do you need someone to affirm how well you look?

gregimotis

rofl.



Sensei, you're IQ went up an awful lot in the last ten minutes...

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I am Tired. Tired. Tired.

Tom Yum

Have you been following her again ? Just teasing man.

treelizard

Yes, I agree, trick questions are stupid. I am not encouraging them. But look at the other side--if you tell your lady how good she looks without her asking, maybe she won't need to ask stupid trick questions. I don't need anyone to affirm how I look (though it is nice sometimes). I just like shopping with the gals because I want a second eye, kind of like I have people test my new dit da formulas to see if they work as well as they do in my own mind. Also if one of my female friends tells me those jeans look awesome on me, it's because they do, not because she wants to get with me. I just think it's amusing how when women want to spend time together, guys assume they are talking about them or trying to plot how to take over the world or something. Maybe it has nothing to do with them! Like Estes said, male energy is exquisite but sometimes is like too much Godiva chocolate, and you need some rice and cold water to cleanse the palate. Though I do try to make sure my friends who are dating jerks go out hiking or shopping or whatnot, but that's mostly so I can help remind them what it feels like to hang out with people who genuinely like them. Oh, and when guy drops all his guy friends when he starts dating....red flag. Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

treelizard

All right, Tom, because you are cool and post good recipes I am going to give you and everybody else some top secret answers to the trick questions off of some links I've found.

http://femalemisogynist.blogspot.com...-reason-4.html

http://homepages.tesco.net/~scotsnet...fun/fun144.htm

Sensei Saki

Alright. All of them?So was that.So was that.So was that.So was that.So was that.

Tom Yum

What the... That didn't cross my mind, but I guess its a sign of the times.

That's cool. Do most of your friends date guys who genuinely do not like them? Just curious what constitutes from a woman's perspective if a guy genuinely likes her. Does this come from abstract things like hanging out, talking, spending time together or is this a more concrete thing like $$$$?

Yeah that's probably a bad sign. I'd also beware of those that try to scare off your friends as well.

treelizard

First of all, re: jeans, I was thinking about this and decided that getting opinions IS needing outside affirmation, but since I am going to pay money for jeans anyway, I think it's better to pay for the cute ones. Also remember I'm not the typical female in that I spend about 10 times as much cash on martial arts equipment as I do on clothes and so I only own very limited clothing which makes the decisions more important, in fact I usu. only go shopping in an emergency (like, I have a huge hole that's unpatchable and my boss would kill me.) Secondly, I just learned that I am a kinetic learner, which may be the reason why the only thing I care about is whether the jeans are comfortable. Visual is the hardest learning style for me, so I need someone else to tell me what it looks like and why (like I know what my "skin tone" is or what a "high waistline" is or WHY those jeans feel funny and how they are different than the ones I'm wearing.)

Money? Well, it depends... If someone wants to stay at my house for weeks or months on end, eating my food, using my computer, reading my books, watching my videos, using up my lovingly wildcrafted medicines, and is going to do nothing to contribute or show any indication that he is trying to contribute, then yeah, I kind of think that even if he does genuinely like me, he's probably more interested in being able to take advantage of me to avoid having to either move back in with his mom or get a job...

My friends who are dating guys that are jerks, I feel like the guys basically just tolerate them for the fringe benefits and do not appreciate them for the wonderful, amazing women that they are. They say hurtful things, ignore them, will play video games for hours on end when someone just cooked the dinner (hello!!!), belittle their dreams, and basically make them feel like they are worthless. Of course this only happens to women who feel like they deserve it (but the process is subtle and happens over time and usually starts out with hearts and flowers until they can sink their claws in.) This is why I try to make sure my friends keep hanging out with the gals, so they can get some perspective and also know we're here for them once they realize we were right all along. If I am dating a guy (and this happened about a year ago) who ALL of my friends think is a jerk and I am convinced is a demi-God, I had better open my eyes WAY wide to see what's really going on. And if a guy tries to stop me from spending time with my friends I wonder what he's trying to hide...

I don't know-- I bet there are other scenarios out there, where women really do go shopping to talk smack about good men and to tell other women that unless he buys you diamonds he doesn't love you-- but why are you hanging out with women like that anyway?? I don't...

Tom Yum

And what happens if the guy does show his appreciation for how wonderfull a woman is?

That's a damn shame.

That's something to be aware of. You should be able to go out on your own and do your own thing as should he, choose your own interests and what have you. I bet some guys actually encourage their girlfriend to go out and do stuff like MA's or hobbies that they enjoy and to go out and see their friends. Women need a night out and its all good.

This may not apply to you (I don't know?), but some women are never going to be content in relationships, even when the guy is fair, treats the woman well, lets her choose an outing (i.e. a play in the park or ballet), loves her, her quirks and spends hours next to her when she's ill.........especially that last part.

Some guys with high expectations about their women will pick on a woman if she has an illness, make her feel low, kill her self-worth because they are selfish, whereas others will lovingly sit next to her on bedside, in the dark, over the weekend, trying to comfort her because they give a damn......

We're damned if we do and damned if we don't, but that's life and you move on.

Sensei Saki

Try it.
I would do a search for it.I'm glad we have that all cleared up.It is one of my newer functions still under development.What does "this" refer to?Huh.
Some may women are never going to be content in relationships even when the guy is fair treats the woman well lets her choose an outing ie a play in the park or ballet, but not all.

treelizard

You show your appreciation for how wonderful he is!

And you're right, a lot of women like dating jerks and dump nice guys. But then the guy is better off anyway. Also there's a difference between being genuinely nice and being a pushover. If a guy acts like a victim it's hard not to lose respect for him...

Anyways, in my humble opinion the two best books for guys to read to better understand women would be Women Who Run With the Wolves and When the Buddha Dated. I also really like A Return to Modesty (ooh, I'm gonna get slammed for that one). It's pretty extremist and way off in some ways, but I think some of the points are pretty right on.

EmptyneSs

any woman who puts up with this nonsense really does deserve it. ive seen that shit so many times, were a guy totally ignores his gf so he can play video games or some other lame ass shit. ladies, if u your man values his video games more than u and u still stay with him, then thats exactly what u deserve.

Tom Yum

If a fellow is busting his butt and showing results, I'd say that's hardly a victim mentality. Its better to keep humble about them....

Yeah, I agree there's a huge difference between being a genuine nice guy and a pushover. I suppose spending every other weekend bedside with an ill gf/spouse/significant other during different occasions is being genuinely nice.

Agreeing to allow a woman to choose an outing now and then is being genuinely nice, not a pushover. As opposed to telling her that she can't do this or that. If a woman can't be greatfull for having a guy that'll let her drive every now and then, she probably feels more comfortable with a guy that'll manage her every activity....

Some women are never going to be happy, but that's their perrogative and thankfully not like all women.

LoneHusky

If I go to the opera with her I feel I deserve my videogaming time. I think she should try to get into the games aswell.

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LoneHusky

When the Buddha Dated sounds interesting.

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