Tom Yum

A lady friend posted this on a blog. Opinions? Blue? Cake? Gregi? Mike?

----------------------------------------------

MEN TO AVOID. PERIOD.

1. His idea of talking dirty in bed is telling you he has a cock.

2. If he wants to cook you a romantic dinner on the second date, he's cheap.

3. The guy who believes a "meaningful conversation" includes quoting The Simpsons, Ben Stiller flicks, and any trilogy.

4. He owns anything Sean John, and lounges in velour. Ew.

5. If he paws at his balls and responds with a, "Ohhh, yeah, those are ripe." He'll probably always prefer the smell of his own soggy balls and farts to your perfumed skin. Be the umpire and throw his foul balls out.

6. He drinks pink adult beverages claiming he's fine with his seexuality. You'll have to fight over your china pattern, bedding fabric, and candle scent. And he'll critique your shoes.

7. If he favors generic vanilla wafer cookies, just-add-water products, and frozen chicken wings, your life together will be as slow as the people who work at Duane Reade.

8. If he refers to himself as "pappi" get a restraining order.
If he rides the cart at the supermarket, and you're hoping he'll grow out of it once your basket is filled with Luvs, find another love.

9. He says he's got a lot of stuff to do first thing the next morning… playing the quelle cool-hand-luke card. "A lot of stuff" involves "taking a shite." Period.

10. When he examines all the flatware and then polishes it with his napkin while you're out to dinner, he's a control freak who will obsess over the organization of your entire life, right down to the coat closet.

11. If the Ken in your life calls you "dude," or emails "whut up?" send him Skipper's way. He's not ready for Barbie.

12. His idea of clever is, "I'm just joshing." You might want to keep this one around, actually. You'll lose at least five pounds of holiday bloat with all the vomiting.

13. The Oral Sex South Beach Dieter: if he won't eat carbs, he'll suck at eating you in bed.

14. His "cool wardrobe" consists of the windows of Banana Republic and JOSa Bank. He doesn't know from risks, and your life together will be dreary.

15. If he whines, squeals, or giggles, you'll have to constantly remind yourself he's not the one with the ovaries.

16. If his face turns red and he gets tight-lipped when you kick his ass at Scrabble, he's a loser in more ways than one.

17. The 007 who convinces you he's suave with his half-stand at the dinner table, myriad hard-to-obtain-reservations, and imposing vocabulary until you hear him whine to his mother.

18. If he can't IM you and still get his work done, he's a horrible multi-tasker; you'll never achieve simultaneous orgasms.

19. He pulls a loose strand of hair aside for you, tucking it behind your ear on the second date. It's his power move, and it's never sincere.

20. He still wants to go to Turks & Caicos Club Med. Enough said.

21. If he doesn't put the moves on by the end of the third date, he's terrible at closing other deals, too. Take heed.

22. Bankers or hedgefunders who still consider themselves bankers past the age of 29; they're insecure and hopelessly dull.

23. Surgeons. They've got a sloppy God complex that spills over into their social lives.

24. Any white guy who busts into ghettochat just because he plays b-ball, knows guys who work the door, or listens to jazz.


25. The never-been-married post 40-year-old man whom romantically claims to still want a wife and kids. He's holding out for an imaginary perfect 10 and will never be happy.

26. Any guy that a) has a musical instrument but has never played professionally (save for the acoustic guitar because that's just HOT), b) has a canvas and paints but never been in a gallery, c) has truffle oil but is not a chef at a restaurant; he is only marginally talented, and you'll be forced to enjoy his "talents" in awe for too long.

27. The guy who openly deprecates gifts of jewelry; he thinks every girl is after his money even though he doesn't earn half as much as most men in Manhattan. He's not WORTH your time.

28. He claims to be a metroseexual aloud. He's gay.

29. He stares in the mirror. He's not only, as you would suspect, obsessed with his looks; he's trying to casually check out the other woman across the bar. He'll never be satisfied with just you.

30. He already knows the words to Gavin DeGraw songs. He's too effeminate to spank you in bed.

31. He's obsessed with his balls because he's got nothing else going on.

32. Men with bottles of "thinning hair" shampoos and sprays. He likely takes Propecia and has no seex drive.

33. A man who excuses himself from the table, saying he has to "tinkle." Oy.

34. When you're upset over something he has done, he claims, "But I'm just a dumb boy, not worthy of your emotions." Believe him. (Alcoholics do this too!)

35. He's sensitive and wants to talk about your relationship all the fcuking time. Thread count notwithstanding, some things are just too soft, and soft doesn't do us much good in the bedroom. I don't care what he's read in Cosmo.

36. A man who trims. He's hoping it will look bigger; but, here's a newsflash, it'll always feel small.

37. A man who when you mention Astroglide replies, "Oooh, the one with the purple cap? That shite's the bomb."

38. Anyone who says, "the bomb," "nizzle," or "bi-atch."

39. If he shaves, waxes, or lazers his arms, legs, or chest and isn't a professional swimmer or diver, swim away.

40. Any man who wears a class ring, pinky ring, or metal necklace. Run.

41.He quotes Shakespeare, reads the Iliad for fun, and doesn't just own, but uses, drink coasters. He'll want to see your wedding dress before you actually buy it to ensure it's up to snuff.

42. He has a subscription to Maxim or Gay Men's Health; he's still in college.

43. If when you go out for sushi, he always orders chicken teriyaki, you've got a chicken shite on your hands with no sense of adventure.

44. Avoid any man who speaks with his mother more than twice a week; he might as well still be milking, especially avoid those that work for their mothers.

45.He invests in a Sports Club L.A. membership to only use the elliptical and treadmill. He's shallow, and his idea of introspection is picking his nose.

47. "Wait did I tell you this already?" is his code for "I'm dating a lot of other women, even though I'm going to pretend we're exclusive by avoiding 'the talk.'"

48. He says "fine" then fcuks the ex-girlfriend that broke his heart. Can we say passive aggressive?

__________________

Love it, leave it or fix it.

gabbah

I think your lady friend has some serious issues... like most women
They think too damn much hehe.

GranFire

They do sell guy blowup-dolls now....

Some of it is true...nobody can get everything wtong, but the rest....

__________________

Banner by www.fiveancestors.com

http://itatigerforum.proboards103.com/


*It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog*

nordmann

Like she has any right to complain about a man being choosy. By any chance, your ladyfriend wouldn't happen to be a New Yorker, would she be?

I think I can hear her now with her Sarah Jessica Parker clone girlfriends at Nobu: "I want a tall, handsome, independently-wealthy man who is perfect in every way and a mind-reader on top of it all. And none of those insufferable hobbies, either, except for guitar playing. And if he does play the guitar, I don't want any calluses on his finger tips because those are just so...ew!"

And we're not allowed to cook? What is up with that?? She obviously has never been a dinner guest at my house, I'll tell you that much.

I wish your friend all the best of luck. I predict that when she reaches the age of 40, she'll start gradually loosening up her requirements for prospective suitors. And you can tell her I said so.

Tom Yum

She's actually a friend of a friend, but not a New Yorker.

Yep. Good luck finding him...

I can understand her statement if she appeared on the iron chef or cooks for a living, but chances are she hasn't and she doesn't....


I'm gonna guess most women go into a cocoon around 30 and come out a butterfly maybe a year or 10 later. This coming from lady friends in the 30+ crowd but argued tooth and nail from the under 30 crowd...still, this is just a theory at best.

__________________

Love it, leave it or fix it.

GranFire

(she sounds like my sister)

__________________

Banner by www.fiveancestors.com

http://itatigerforum.proboards103.com/


*It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog*

DickHardman

girls just like fat guys with money who lie a lot.

nordmann

I wouldn't generalize too broadly about that. It is true that if you spend any time at all here in NYC, you will bump into the obese, bald, 60-year-old cigar-smoking slob in a $6000 Armani suit with the most gorgeous 22-year-old woman you've seen all day on his arm, whom he refers to as "shweet-hww-art" or just "dw-all". It's a cliché, but it's a cliché for a reason.

But there are all types of women. And that's a good thing. The problem is that the ones that you would be interested in yourself (intelligent, vivacious, generous, talented, pretty, etc.) usually go to some undeserving creep who ignores or even mistreats her, and who sometimes doesn't even have money. Go figure.

..n..

She sounds like a giant pain in the ass. I bet she really wants a man just like her father.

gregimotis

***************


LOL

__________________
.
.
I am Tired. Tired. Tired.

Jiu-fu fighter

Yep, so true,

my current girlfriends last ex. was abusive towards her, just thinking about it pisses me off, I am still trying to hunt the guy down.

__________________
My strength resolves in the mind, once I have made up my mind nothing is too far from me.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands in times of trial and controversy"

Martin Luther King Jr.

Tom Yum

That's f'ked up, jiu-fu. Did he hit her?

I've always tried to teach my gf's basic self-defense if they seem amiable to it. How to throw a punch (same mechanics as a boxer, but landing with the palm-heel), elbows, stomps, knees and some basic grappling escapes (bear hugs, head locks, mount).

I put the head gear, mouth guard in and gloves and let them land shots to see what it feels like to hit a solid target, so I've been hit on by a lot of ladies .

The most memorable was a 150-lb former powerlifter and softball player.

She hit harder than a lot of guys her size. After 2-rounds of taking some devastating shots, I decided to make her miss more shots in the 3rd round so I wouldn't get KO'd!

__________________

Love it, leave it or fix it.

osopardo

Did you just call Gregi and Mike ladies?!?


.

__________________
Le Bear Extraordinaire!
Mike Brewer's 2008 Athleticon Challenge!!!
Pushups Completed: 5 1/2
Situps Completed: Does using my hands count?

gabbah

Yeah he did, but hey they don't seem to mind.. so..

osopardo

Actually happened to me! I was on South Beach and I was like maybe 22 yrs. old myself. Started chatting up this breathtaking hardbody (string bikini, flawless tan, gold hoop earrings, etc.) when this short fat hairy little guy in a speedo and a huge gold chain walks up to us says "I'm goin' in for a swim, ya comin'?" and snap! just like that she was gone! running into the water after him! When I walked back up to my buddies they could hardly breathe, they were all laughing so hard!

__________________
Le Bear Extraordinaire!
Mike Brewer's 2008 Athleticon Challenge!!!
Pushups Completed: 5 1/2
Situps Completed: Does using my hands count?