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[Garland]

Matt...please...leave me out of anything you say.
I hate to be crass...but I have to be completely candid and honest...you make me uncomfortable and ever since you started this little crusade to keep everyone else civil...I haven't liked you.

Nobody has the RIGHT not to be offended, Matt. I understand that some people may say some things that upset you...be upset. Bitch and moan. But don't expect people to always bail you out and protect you. Life is PAIN, Matt. Life sucks, it's difficult, it's unfair, people have hidden agendas, and generally, even though the world may not be out to get you, time is.

There are givens that come with being human, Matt. People suffer, mistreat each other, are perpetually alone (anything else is illusory), and then simply cease to be as if they were never born.

Life sucks, Matt. I come to this forum to talk over things that I love (martial arts, combatives, self defense and combat sports) in a way to distract me from how shitty life is, or facing those big assed existential questions that HAUNT my mind daily...or whatever little worries or painful moments I encounter as part of my everyday existence. I crack jokes, like many others here, as a way of releiving some strain and stress...and also as a way to build fraternity. Men joke with each other, and all jokes- ALL jokes are made at the expense of others. I am occassionally the butt of jokes here, I realize they're usually not serious, and even if they were...who are these people across the wire from me? Do you think I should give a flying **** what you, or dick, or the others think of me? No! Hell No! I respect many of our members, and I'd like them to think kindly or highly of me in some respects...but have I really done anything deserving of their respect...not really.

In short...
Matt...listen...I come to this forum because life sucks. I entertain and occupy myself occassionally with this forum to distract myself from the suckiness of life. I don't take things seriously. If I felt people were assholes here...I'd leave. Why waste my time with it? Everyone here, with very few exceptions, are good sports and cool cats.

I feel that YOU have recently assumed a position of self righteousness and tried your hardest to tell others what to do. I understand you have certain delays that make it difficult for you, and that this forum hasn't always believed your delays were real (some still don't), but that doesn't give you any extra rights on the forum. It shouldn't. May the ADA strike me with lightening if my saying that is wrong. I wish you well Matt. But in all seriousness...Your behavior lately has really upset me. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen, so they say. I for one, will NOT walk on eggshells for you. I will NOT pick on you or make light of your disabilities, but YOU should not involve yourself with my shit, or try and tell ME what to do. Ok?

Be cool Matt. Stop playing a moderator and leave people be. If people talk shit on YOU then report them, if you want to. That's not my business...
but I for one, will simply choose to ignore you to the best of my ability because of your recent actions...until you learn to play with others without needing to cry to authority figures.

[matbla]

i sorry i did not use your name ever so what's up

[Michael Wright]

Garland,

Whats up fella? Why so down on life? Is this your usual outlook or are things getting you down? Genuinely interested, but its cool if you don't want to share.

Mike

[Tom Yum]

Garland's ok.

Growing pains. He'll be fine

[Garland]

Originally Posted by Michael Wright

Garland,

Whats up fella? Why so down on life? Is this your usual outlook or are things getting you down? Genuinely interested, but its cool if you don't want to share.

Mike

I'm not a pessimist...I'm a realist. I know that sounds trite and contrived...but I am simply all too aware of the fact that life has no meaning aside from what we subjectively ascribe to it, that we are perpetually struggling with the balance between freedom and responsibility, that we are born alone, die alone, and no matter how well we get in with othrs, are ultimately alone in our experience with the world, and finally...that it's not a matter of the glass being half empty or half full...it's that I won't be along to always make the distinction. That it's a moot point, the glass and myself won't exist forever.

Basically, one day it will be as if I never existed...and eventually it will be as if nothing were ever extant.


But...really...I'm quite a happy fellow.
I can't change the nature of existence...or human nature...I realize the banality of it all and the cruel/sad/awkward/futile/fruitless/painful/meloncholie/fleeting/transcient/wonderful/beautiful/etc motions I undergo to seem less mortality salient.

I'm having a bit of a quarter life crisis, I guess. I see all the things I want, enjoy, love...precious moments that slip through my fingers that I want to cling to in a death grasp...falling through the holes in my hands. But...hey...it is what it is. You have to build yourself up to be beautifully tragic breaking down...so I aim to better myself. In many ways I yearn for that type of tragic heroicism, but I know better...it's just another coping mechanism to deal with death anxiety.

I guess I have the luxury of too much time to sit and ponder things. What makes it all worth the effort are my close mates (despite their problems), my new girlie (even if I'm sharing), my familia (as flawed as they may be), and a handful of other things I enjoy...including the new Matties Perch...which is pretty damn tastey. I have a growing affinity for Aussie wines. I've had a sweet tooth since I cut down (heavily) smoking.

[Tom Yum]

Deep.

When I was 6 years old, we were in the tail-end of the Cold War with the USSR. I remember our principal coming into our class to talk to us about the possbility of nuclear war and having him show us how to get under our desks in case of some kind of a bomb attack. Later that year, the movie "The Day After" came out - portraying a nuclear strike in a big city and the aftermath. I think that was the first time, at age 6, that I realized my own mortality and how quick I could be changed into dust.

The second time, was when I was in highschool when angry teens took out their frustrations on students with drive-by shootings. Two shootings took place one year at my school - both targets were random, well-liked students. I got jumped and protected a friend at the same time.

I'm facing the possbility of it again in the line of work I'm going to be doing. I don't think too much about my place in the world or how quickly it could end - maybe I'm an optimist?

All I know is that I've always gotten my point across when it mattered. I've experienced true love and have been loved back. I've dealt with some incredibly difficult, immature, complicated people as well as being blessed with kind, generous, self-sacrificing and energetic ones. I've fought hard battles, lost a few to come back and win some important ones. I've taken some pretty big risks and have always faced the armchair QB's - so I've learned to seek mentors whom are doing what I'm going to do. Life is just gettin' started!

I'm gonna do what I can to stay alive. Life is just too interesting and fun.

I love life and all its craziness!

[Michael Wright]

Garland,

First of all, that is an awesome post, and the reason why I am on this forum.

I don't claim to know anything about you, but your thoughts remind me alot of myself 10 years ago. I liked to read a lot of Karl Gustav Jung and question every thought and emotion that entered my mind, usually jading it with a fatalistic perception. I spent most of my 20's Bi-Polar, and used to think that fun was getting in the ring and intentionally losing for 3 rounds so see how much I could fck myself up. In ten years I lost five girlfriends, most of my family, and a child. It makes a dent I have to say. Glass half full? Yeah, what glass....

If I can offer any hope, its that in the last 3 years or so the internal dialogue has simply run out, you just don't have anything left to question. When that happens things move from the black or white that your mind applies to it, and shifts to the colour that stands before you. That shift hasn't come from any religion, any partner, any life-changing altercations - its just come from me.

This is probably WAY beyond the interest of everyone on this forum, but another side effect of clarity is you stop giving a fck what people think of you. So in this brief conversation I hope I have made some sense, and I really enjoyed your post.

And by the way friend, the shift from Australian to South American/Spanish wines is a big part of it, they are the way forward

Take it easy.

[matbla]

no one is making fun of you garland i never made fun of you from matt blake

[Hardball]

That is what vacations are for, but the reality of it is; vacations are expensive. People use to tell me; "You don't have a life" It's because I spent 10 years working two jobs. Then once I got caught up on my basic needs (Maslows Hierarchy) I started to enjoy life by taking vacations and enjoying my weekends. Having a girlfriend/wife is also a big step in the right direction. Thus, having the blues ( I need a vacation blues) is not the end of the world but can serve as a motivator to better your position on Maslows Hierarchy.

Nothing is better for stress than a week at a dream location getting laid with your sweetheart.

Hang in there, it gets better.

[DickHardman]

hey at least you guys arent in baghdad right now. it could be worse

[Ghost]

garland, tom, michael, great posts. i think most of us can identify with what has been said in our own ways. i dont think people are so different when we stop and look at it for a bit.

[DickHardman]

Originally Posted by Ghost

garland, tom, michael, great posts.

thanks, much appreciated.

[Ghost]

Originally Posted by DickHardman

thanks, much appreciated.

lol!
are there only 2 users on this forum? you and me and you are eveyrone else?

[Mr. Arieson]

Yeah, but I told you Garland, you needed to take a vacation. Get some different vistas. Florida keys, carribean, Hawaii for God's sake-

You can actually do Hawaii at a cheapie hotel for just over the price of the airline ticket.

You should think about it. Have some fun away from your normal digs.

[Garland]

Originally Posted by Mr. Arieson

Yeah, but I told you Garland, you needed to take a vacation. Get some different vistas. Florida keys, carribean, Hawaii for God's sake-

You can actually do Hawaii at a cheapie hotel for just over the price of the airline ticket.

You should think about it. Have some fun away from your normal digs.

I'm going to Hawaii in May with a friend. It should be a blast, we're staying on the big island for 3 weeks with a bunch of locals.