koreamtl

i thought i would share this with some people as this is something that can be of great utility.(hopefully you never use this)

If you know someone is planning to jump on you once you go outside and your in a coffee shop or something, and they are let's say 2-3, to make your odds better get a newspaper(most city's coffee shop will have a free newspaper stand), this is a *extremely* powerful weapon that many people fail to realise.

how?

take your newspaper lay it flat, start from a corner, and roll in as tight as possible until you reach the opposite corner, in other words roll it diagonally.

you will now have a long tube, depending on thickness you bend it at the center, if you feel to much resistance bend it both sides near the middle(if not it will literally split in half), giving you a very narrow U shaped paper.

your newspaper is now literally a baton made out of wood.

its strong enough to block off a machete bought from a army depot store(they usually dont sharpen them)

if you have experience with stick fighting like escrima or such, more power to you.

Jiu-fu fighter

Let me guess, you used this effectively when some guy attacked you with a machete? come on.... even if the blade was blunt the weight of the machete coming down would still push the paper to the side, what wins , a piece of rolled up newspaper versus the momentum of a 30 pound machete?
I would guess the machete..

and who are these people who don't sharpen their machetes?
have you done a study to figure out which psychos sharpen and which do not sharpen their machetes? If I was crazy enough to attack someone with a machete I would probably also be crazy enough to sharpen it as sharp as hell.

but besides that I see the validity

Jiu-fu fighter

Also, If I am in some coffee shop and I know there are two or three people waiting outside to jump me ( possibly with machetes, nudge.... nudge)
I don't think the most brilliant plan would be to grab a newspaper and go take them on.... sigh
I would probably either call the cops or find some other way out of the store

MMA Apostate

Why can't running away from this situation be considered a form of self defense. That takes less time then rolling up a magazine or newspaper.

Also, the coffe shops I go to are mainly filled with pacifist hippies. So the likely hood of running into machete carrying thugs are very very slim...but hey, that's just me.

aseepish

Have you ever been hit with a bong?

__________________
"It was about that time I realized that searching was my symbol, the emblem of those who go out at night with nothing in mind, the motives of a destroyer of compasses." -Cortázar

kwai chang pain

This reminds me of the scene in the original "Alien" where the robot-dude rolls up a magazine and tries to stuff it down someone else's throat.

__________________
May your knuckles always drip with the blood of your enemies.

DickHardman

i dont know about a newspaper, but a rolled up magazine is indeed a powerful weapon. grab any magazine you have and roll it up tight and see for yourself how powerful it is. newspapers seem like they would be too thin.

MMA Apostate

From my experience people with bongs are way to protective of them to want to use it as a weapon.

DickHardman

yeah id rather pack it and rip it till the top of my head pops off.

Jiu-fu fighter

anyways.................