Best Way to Handle Stalkers - Page 4

**Hardball** · 02-12-2007, 11:55 AM

K' Who's the author?

treelizard · 02-12-2007, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hardball

K' Who's the author?

Hannah Nyala. It's actually a book about tracking (one of the very few written by a woman) but she had a crazy exhusband before there were stalking laws. He would kidnap her kids a lot, sometimes legally. She writes about the ways she handled it. Really awesome book. Sadly I just lent mine out or I'd quote some of it.

**Hardball** · 02-12-2007, 12:00 PM

Thanks, I just ordered it for a total of $5.20 on amazon.com.

treelizard · 02-12-2007, 12:06 PM

I hope you like it!

**Hardball** · 02-12-2007, 12:14 PM

It can't hurt!! If I just get one or two new ideas then it is worth the time and effort.

treelizard · 02-12-2007, 12:20 PM

A lot of it was about what she taught her children and how she handled it emotionally though, and was specific to what he did..e.g. she'd know he was in her house if a towel was refolded, stuff like that.

Do you have a stalker?

**Hardball** · 02-12-2007, 02:10 PM

Nope! Just like the topic, amongst many topics.

Sandtiger · 02-19-2007, 12:40 PM

I selected sell my house and move, because that is what I did.

About 6 or 7 years ago this guy started showing up around my house after I left for work. He started by standing on the sidewalk and then grew bolder and started looking in the front windows. My wife would call the police and by the time the police would get there he would be gone. My wife and two daughters felt like prisoners in the house while I was at work since they never knew when this guy would show up.

This behavior continued for nearly a year. The stalker even left a valentines card for my wife and signed his real name and given nickname. This evidence was handed to the police who again did nothing because we had a mail slot so he violated no law by dropping a card through it. I decided to find the man based on the information on the card and was successful. I called him and explained that if he ever showed out at my home I would kill him and dispose of his body in a manner that would make identifying him impossible. This seemed to deter him for nearly a year.

He then came back with a vengenance and would always show up as soon as I left for work. I have two very large dogs and they would go nuts as soon as he approached the windows. He did not seem bothered in the least by them. At this point my wife and daughters would spend every day holed up in a second floor room out of fear of what this guy might do.

Around New Years 5 years ago he decided to climb my padlocked fence and sat in my backyard watching my wife while drinking a 40. It was 6 am in the morning!!!! I decided it was not worth risking that this guy meant no real harm, I moved and was stuck with 2 homes for nearly 3 years.

It was worth it. My wife and children were able to feel safe again and I heard from the neighbors that the guy continued to come around for about another year.

I was not able to be at home 24 hours a day to protect my family so I made the decision to move to a safer environment. At the time our old home was located in one of the 10 most dangerous cities in the country according to the FBI.

**Hardball** · 02-20-2007, 12:07 PM

The geographic cure has worked for me many, many times. It's easier when you are renting but a lot harder when you are buying your own home.

TKD Student · 07-27-2007, 10:33 PM

Well... I was once stalked downtown (not telling where I live)... I was looking around before I crossed the street when I saw them pointing at me and talking about something. After that they followed me everywhere. I pretended I didn't spot them and was calmly walking to the nearest police station and kept walking to the main entrance... Then they stopped stalking me and left. Hahaha!!

treelizard · 07-28-2007, 05:59 PM

Funny that this thread got revived at this time.

About three years ago, I met what I thought was a couple at synagogue and really hit it off with the woman. Her boyfriend (I assumed) asked me for my number so the three of us could all hang out. Then he called me. Over and over and over again. 8 or 9 messages a day, several days a week, and I wasn't returning his calls. When I picked up the phone I told him to stop calling me. He left more message. He called again a few days later and I told him to never call me again. I asked him if that was clear. He didn't call again... for three months. Then he called again. This time he only left one message and got the hint (I thought) when I didn't return his call.

Flash forward to a few days ago and I run into the damn guy again, at a dinner party we were both invited to. He said, "Hey, I remember you! You never called me back!" very loudly in front of everyone. I said "Yeah, I didn't call you back for a reason!" since the subtle approach doesn't work with the guy. He asked me why I gave him my number (remember, this was three years ago) if I didn't want him to call me. I said "I made a mistake." I then proceed to tell him that if somebody doesn't want to talk to him after 15 messages, leaving 15 more probably wouldn't help endear him to them.

Anyway, I went and sat at the other table but was also dodging some guy trying to talk to me about Landmark, ack! There were three tables but we were all wandering around so it's not like I could avoid the guy. He actually asked me, "So, do you want to try this again?" I said "try WHAT again?" and he said "Going out." I told him to get lost, and a couple minutes later he then asked a friend of mine very loudly in front of me whether someone giving out a phone number means that they want you to call, and she said yes. I turned and asked her whether it's appropriate to leave 30 messages for someone who isn't returning calls. She said no.

Anyway, I was sitting in one corner with a couple of women when he left, and one of them had crazy stories about the guy. Her friend went on a couple dates with him and told him it wasn't working out. She also got the 30-phone call treatment until she returned his cooler which he apparently desperately wanted back. We also thought it was very funny that he told our host he was a chef, when in reality he sells hot dogs. The guy is more annoying than threatening, but geez. We're trying to get a guy to talk to him about his, uh, lack of social skills. I'm hoping to not run into him again, but it makes me wonder what I could have done differently three years ago... if anything!

Tant01 · 07-28-2007, 06:30 PM

That's FUNNY TL!!!

Thanks for sharing.

"it makes me wonder what I could have done differently three years ago... if anything!"

... give him the number to a (gay) biker bar...??? LOL

**Hardball** · 07-29-2007, 12:46 AM

I changed my phone number to an unlisted number under similar circumstances.

treelizard · 07-29-2007, 12:58 AM

Wouldn't have worked either, because I'd still have run into him.

I know it's fairly easy to block a certain number, and if you call the phone company to complain about unwanted calls and they trace it to a certain number I think they take care of it somehow.

That said, if he calls me again I'm definitely calling the cops.

Tom Yum · 07-29-2007, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treelizard

About three years ago, I met what I thought was a couple at synagogue and really hit it off with the woman. Her boyfriend (I assumed) asked me for my number so the three of us could all hang out. Then he called me. Over and over and over again. 8 or 9 messages a day, several days a week, and I wasn't returning his calls. When I picked up the phone I told him to stop calling me. He left more message. He called again a few days later and I told him to never call me again. I asked him if that was clear. He didn't call again... for three months. Then he called again. This time he only left one message and got the hint (I thought) when I didn't return his call.

I don't attend religious services with the hopes of meeting people because after all...they are people and I'm slow to befriend in that scenario probably for similar reasons as yourself.

View Poll Results: What would you do if you recognize your stalkers?
I would do nothing-I am not a snitch	0	0%
Report Stalkers to the Police	2	13.33%
Start to pack a weapon	5	33.33%
Sell my house and move	1	6.67%
Install a New Security System	4	26.67%
Shoot First and ask questions later	2	13.33%
Try for the famous no touch knockout	3	20.00%
Run like hell	3	20.00%
Send them all to Fu#$@kin Hell	6	40.00%
Call up Grandma	2	13.33%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

02-12-2007, 11:55 AM	#46 (permalink)
Hardball Premiere Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,404 Groans: 0 Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post	K' Who's the author? __________________ The Way of the Warrior is Practice. Daily practice, accumulate practice minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. {Book of 5 Rings} Mike Brewers 2008 Sit up challenge 50,000/100,000 running balance.(Crunches) Kicks 6,300/100,000

02-12-2007, 12:00 PM	#48 (permalink)
Hardball Premiere Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,404 Groans: 0 Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post	Thanks, I just ordered it for a total of $5.20 on amazon.com. __________________ The Way of the Warrior is Practice. Daily practice, accumulate practice minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. {Book of 5 Rings} Mike Brewers 2008 Sit up challenge 50,000/100,000 running balance.(Crunches) Kicks 6,300/100,000

02-12-2007, 12:06 PM	#49 (permalink)
treelizard Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the desert Posts: 3,442 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts	I hope you like it! __________________ http://www.dirttime.org http://morewomeninmma.blogspot.com

02-12-2007, 12:14 PM	#50 (permalink)
Hardball Premiere Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,404 Groans: 0 Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post	It can't hurt!! If I just get one or two new ideas then it is worth the time and effort. __________________ The Way of the Warrior is Practice. Daily practice, accumulate practice minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. {Book of 5 Rings} Mike Brewers 2008 Sit up challenge 50,000/100,000 running balance.(Crunches) Kicks 6,300/100,000

02-12-2007, 12:20 PM	#51 (permalink)
treelizard Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the desert Posts: 3,442 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts	A lot of it was about what she taught her children and how she handled it emotionally though, and was specific to what he did..e.g. she'd know he was in her house if a towel was refolded, stuff like that. Do you have a stalker? __________________ http://www.dirttime.org http://morewomeninmma.blogspot.com

02-12-2007, 02:10 PM	#52 (permalink)
Hardball Premiere Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,404 Groans: 0 Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post	Nope! Just like the topic, amongst many topics. __________________ The Way of the Warrior is Practice. Daily practice, accumulate practice minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. {Book of 5 Rings} Mike Brewers 2008 Sit up challenge 50,000/100,000 running balance.(Crunches) Kicks 6,300/100,000

02-19-2007, 12:40 PM	#53 (permalink)
Sandtiger Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 37 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Sell my house and move I selected sell my house and move, because that is what I did. About 6 or 7 years ago this guy started showing up around my house after I left for work. He started by standing on the sidewalk and then grew bolder and started looking in the front windows. My wife would call the police and by the time the police would get there he would be gone. My wife and two daughters felt like prisoners in the house while I was at work since they never knew when this guy would show up. This behavior continued for nearly a year. The stalker even left a valentines card for my wife and signed his real name and given nickname. This evidence was handed to the police who again did nothing because we had a mail slot so he violated no law by dropping a card through it. I decided to find the man based on the information on the card and was successful. I called him and explained that if he ever showed out at my home I would kill him and dispose of his body in a manner that would make identifying him impossible. This seemed to deter him for nearly a year. He then came back with a vengenance and would always show up as soon as I left for work. I have two very large dogs and they would go nuts as soon as he approached the windows. He did not seem bothered in the least by them. At this point my wife and daughters would spend every day holed up in a second floor room out of fear of what this guy might do. Around New Years 5 years ago he decided to climb my padlocked fence and sat in my backyard watching my wife while drinking a 40. It was 6 am in the morning!!!! I decided it was not worth risking that this guy meant no real harm, I moved and was stuck with 2 homes for nearly 3 years. It was worth it. My wife and children were able to feel safe again and I heard from the neighbors that the guy continued to come around for about another year. I was not able to be at home 24 hours a day to protect my family so I made the decision to move to a safer environment. At the time our old home was located in one of the 10 most dangerous cities in the country according to the FBI.

02-20-2007, 12:07 PM	#54 (permalink)
Hardball Premiere Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,404 Groans: 0 Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post	The geographic cure has worked for me many, many times. It's easier when you are renting but a lot harder when you are buying your own home. __________________ The Way of the Warrior is Practice. Daily practice, accumulate practice minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. {Book of 5 Rings} Mike Brewers 2008 Sit up challenge 50,000/100,000 running balance.(Crunches) Kicks 6,300/100,000

07-27-2007, 10:33 PM	#55 (permalink)
TKD Student Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 45 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Well... I was once stalked downtown (not telling where I live)... I was looking around before I crossed the street when I saw them pointing at me and talking about something. After that they followed me everywhere. I pretended I didn't spot them and was calmly walking to the nearest police station and kept walking to the main entrance... Then they stopped stalking me and left. Hahaha!! __________________ I'm not stupid, I just have bad luck when I'm thinking.

07-28-2007, 05:59 PM	#56 (permalink)
treelizard Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the desert Posts: 3,442 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Funny that this thread got revived at this time. About three years ago, I met what I thought was a couple at synagogue and really hit it off with the woman. Her boyfriend (I assumed) asked me for my number so the three of us could all hang out. Then he called me. Over and over and over again. 8 or 9 messages a day, several days a week, and I wasn't returning his calls. When I picked up the phone I told him to stop calling me. He left more message. He called again a few days later and I told him to never call me again. I asked him if that was clear. He didn't call again... for three months. Then he called again. This time he only left one message and got the hint (I thought) when I didn't return his call. Flash forward to a few days ago and I run into the damn guy again, at a dinner party we were both invited to. He said, "Hey, I remember you! You never called me back!" very loudly in front of everyone. I said "Yeah, I didn't call you back for a reason!" since the subtle approach doesn't work with the guy. He asked me why I gave him my number (remember, this was three years ago) if I didn't want him to call me. I said "I made a mistake." I then proceed to tell him that if somebody doesn't want to talk to him after 15 messages, leaving 15 more probably wouldn't help endear him to them. Anyway, I went and sat at the other table but was also dodging some guy trying to talk to me about Landmark, ack! There were three tables but we were all wandering around so it's not like I could avoid the guy. He actually asked me, "So, do you want to try this again?" I said "try WHAT again?" and he said "Going out." I told him to get lost, and a couple minutes later he then asked a friend of mine very loudly in front of me whether someone giving out a phone number means that they want you to call, and she said yes. I turned and asked her whether it's appropriate to leave 30 messages for someone who isn't returning calls. She said no. Anyway, I was sitting in one corner with a couple of women when he left, and one of them had crazy stories about the guy. Her friend went on a couple dates with him and told him it wasn't working out. She also got the 30-phone call treatment until she returned his cooler which he apparently desperately wanted back. We also thought it was very funny that he told our host he was a chef, when in reality he sells hot dogs. The guy is more annoying than threatening, but geez. We're trying to get a guy to talk to him about his, uh, lack of social skills. I'm hoping to not run into him again, but it makes me wonder what I could have done differently three years ago... if anything! __________________ http://www.dirttime.org http://morewomeninmma.blogspot.com

07-28-2007, 06:30 PM	#57 (permalink)
Tant01 Humble Moderator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Northern Ca. USA Posts: 5,123 Groans: 0 Groaned at 14 Times in 9 Posts	That's FUNNY TL!!! Thanks for sharing. "it makes me wonder what I could have done differently three years ago... if anything!" ... give him the number to a (gay) biker bar...??? LOL __________________ "In all countries where personal freedom is valued, however much each individual may rely on legal redress, the right of each to carry arms - and these the best and the sharpest - for his own protection in case of extremity, is a right of nature indelible and irrepressible, and the more it is sought to be repressed the more it will recur." James Paterson

07-29-2007, 12:46 AM	#58 (permalink)
Hardball Premiere Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,404 Groans: 0 Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post	I changed my phone number to an unlisted number under similar circumstances. __________________ The Way of the Warrior is Practice. Daily practice, accumulate practice minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. {Book of 5 Rings} Mike Brewers 2008 Sit up challenge 50,000/100,000 running balance.(Crunches) Kicks 6,300/100,000

07-29-2007, 12:58 AM	#59 (permalink)
treelizard Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the desert Posts: 3,442 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Wouldn't have worked either, because I'd still have run into him. I know it's fairly easy to block a certain number, and if you call the phone company to complain about unwanted calls and they trace it to a certain number I think they take care of it somehow. That said, if he calls me again I'm definitely calling the cops. __________________ http://www.dirttime.org http://morewomeninmma.blogspot.com

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