Concerned Father

[LatinoHeat]

10 Rules For Dating My Daughter"


Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear theirs trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four

I'm sure that you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh, and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or pastors within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided... movies, which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless commander of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[HtTKar]

Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

I'll be delivering a package all right.

[Oreomeister365]

I'll be delivering a package all right.

you just beat the thread

[Master Fugasaka]

10 Rules For Dating My Daughter"


Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear theirs trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four

I'm sure that you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh, and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or pastors within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided... movies, which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless commander of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

If i had a daughter i wouldnt care what the **** she does with a boyfriend. i got better things to worry aboot.

[EmptyneSs]

i wouldnt hesitate one second to drop some bitches dad who was giving me shit and trying to intimidate me.

[Tom Yum]

i wouldnt hesitate one second to drop some bitches dad who was giving me shit and trying to intimidate me.

That's not wise.

People intimidate as a control tactic. You are hanging out with his own flesh and blood, perhaps doing something that could hurt his daughter emotionally and therefore hurt him.

If you showed a little respect to a man's daughter by trying to get to know him and he you first, you will earn his respect and perhaps permission to date his daughter.

Give a yee shall receive.

The sad truth is that you can't please everyone and are better off leaving some alone in their own comfort zone of people no matter how large or small it may be.

And I'm talking about things you have no control over....

[Tant01]

i wouldnt hesitate one second to drop some bitches dad who was giving me shit and trying to intimidate me.

Yeah, you'll date real respectable young ladies.........


Don't try that. At best you'll end up with an assault warrant on you at worse you'll be shot and killed for redemption...


I wish my daughter's boyfriend had your gumption but he won't face me at all... Can't say that bothers me but restraining orders only last three years. I can only hope he tries something THAT STUPID.

[EmptyneSs]

im already a decent person, therefore i dont need some old asshole trying to intimidate me into doing it and giving me shit.

and yeah tanto, u sound pretty tough, posting on a forum from behind a comp and all. i hope it makes u feel like a big man like u want it to.

[dkm]

.

and yeah tanto, u sound pretty tough, posting on a forum from behind a comp and all. i hope it makes u feel like a big man like u want it to.

but that's exactly the same thing you are doing

[Tant01]

....
and yeah tanto, u sound pretty tough, posting on a forum from behind a comp and all. i hope it makes u feel like a big man like u want it to.

Pardon? My advise to you is nothing more than a friendly warning. I admire your "in your face" attitude and as I said, it would be NICE if my daughter's boyfriend had your determination but he does not. He sneaks around talking sh** behind my back... He is not you and I'm sure you would never do anything to aggrivate your girlfriend's daddy...

[Garland]

The next time I'm confronted by a girl's dad...I'll simply tell them the truth if asked...
"if my intention was to just sleep with your daughter, why the HELL would I subject myself to a relationship...the very fact that I'm meeting with you, sir, is a pretty damn good indication of who's wearing the pants in our little deal."

[Bjjexpertise@be]

Tip to making a connection to the father: When you shake his hand have a good strong grip(but don't try to crush his hand) and reach up with your other hand and touch/grab some other part of the arm. This usually helps create a more positive outlook for you.

[Garland]

why don't you just continue to hold his hand, stroking his palm with your fingers and compliment the color of his eyes, and tell him that the cut of his shirt really brings out his shoulders and pecs?

[Bjjexpertise@be]

I just figured you weren't trying to get past first base. If you really want to screw the girl on your first date, read the previous post and do what he tells you.

[EmptyneSs]

but that's exactly the same thing you are doing

i wasnt trying to act tough, i was just making it clear that i dont like it when people try to intimidate me, especially over being nice to a girl im dating, which means i like and respect her already. like garland said, why would i be meeting her dad and taking her out and spending time with her if all i wanted was sex? i dont need to be intimidated into being respectful because im already respectful. someone trying to intimidate me does nothing but lose my respect for them.

sorry if i misunderstood u tanto. perhaps ur daughters bf cant face u because u intimidate him so much. obviously he is intimidated by u if he has to talk behind your back and cant face u.