Women's Violence

[Budoguy]

I was reading the thread on violence in men with interest below, and I agree, a very sad picture.

Let me describe my last 2 relationships with women. The first was my wife, who hit me constantly, she threw a knife once, punched me in the chest and face, screamed "I hate you, you bastard", hit me with her knapsack and numerous other violations. I never touched her once, but I left the situation as soon as she began her episodes. This may have been borderline personality disorder, but it was horrible to be the victim of sustained abuse. After months of counselling (she stormed out of the therapist's office - a therapist SHE had selected, screaming at both of us and quit marriage counselling), I finally had the nerve to leave and face my own shame at staying so long.

My next partner gave me a backfist to the face while we were driving, tore my shirt and then began to bite me because she was annoyed at my attitude that day. She also through objects at me, including breaking my possessions, screamed and lashed out repeatedly.

My mother frequently hit me and abused me, my father did not. She screamed at both of us constantly and it has taken years of therapy to sort out the abuse.

Gangs of female thugs in Victoria, Vancouver, Toronto, all carry knives and we have followed their gang style killings over the media. Karla Homolka, the wife of the infamous killer Paul Bernardo, was complicit and responsible for the detention and abuse and killing of several Ontario teenagers several years ago.

Violence from women against men must stop. Just because you are weaker and hurt us less during attacks, doesn't heal the emotional pain this causes, and just because we don't hit back doesn't mean you can just keep doing it.

Still working the issues out, but lets please be fair...

[Lost Ronin]

You are one sick and disturbed little man.... This is a really bad joke right? Please tell me that this is a really bad joke... Dude, I suggest you stop dating for a looong time. This is a joke right? Please tell me you're joking.

[Budoguy]

Ronin, you are a pimple. If I respond to you, ie., squeeze a pimple, it only gets bigger, redder and more filled with pus. But if you just leave a pimple alone, it dries up and goes away on its own.

For other readers who can ignore this 10 year old's sarchasm, female violence does exist, as does bullying in childhood.

I am just clearing up the popular misconception that it is only men who perpetrate violence. And to lend support to other men out there who are victims of domestic violence.

Or you can be like young Ronin here, and blame the victim. Funny how we know not to blame women for being a victim, but when violence is perpetrated on a man by a woman, the man is held accountable.

[Lost Ronin]

I didn't mean to offend you. I thought it was just a bad joke, I'm sorry, I apologize. But, you made a better point with your "pimple" response than with your first post. I didn't mean to mock you, I just thought that you were trying to have some fun. Now, I don't exactly appreciate the verbal slander that you released upon me ( this ten year old passed the SAT's with flying colors! HAH! ) I'm a pretty decent guy, if you have a bone to pick with me just tell me, we can talk about it like civilized human beings. By the way, what's with the whole pimple thing? Haven't you heard of CLEARASIL? It works like a charm!

[mrniceguy148]

Hi Budoguy,

I can only guess that your choices in women must have something to do with the way your mother treated you when you were growing up. Had I not seen for myself what you're talking about, then I'd probably be siding with Lost Ronin right now.

My wife's sister is a big girl with a bad temper. Anyway, she started acting out at my place one time and she kneed me in the groin. She put me in the hospital. It was a very upsetting experience for me, and, after several follow-up visits, my urologest suggested that I get counceling for post traumatic stress syndrome. Given her attitude, I'm just thankful that she's not a permanent resident under my roof.......

This happened shortly after I was first married:

One day my wife just started beating on me for absolutely no reason. Finally I got sick of the abuse and I gave her a hard shove after I'd unsuccessfully tried to avoid being hit by her. I accidently pushed her head over ass over the easy chair, and she banged her head on the corner of a wooden end table. She was knocked out cold, and for a moment I'd thought that I'd actually killed her. She was okay though, but that incident was a big scare for both of us. We talked it over and we decided that we'd never again let an arguement become physical; and that's the way that it's been for over 15 years..............Lesson learned -- the easy way!!!

Based on my two experiences in this aria, I'd just like to tell you that I think you're definately on the right track. Anyone who doesn't think that women can be abusive just hasn't been paying attention. Gender violence is a serious issue and it can cut both ways! Although I believe that M/f violence is a much bigger societal problem, you still raise some legitimate concerns.

Take care,
Mr Nice Guy

[Lost Ronin]

Just wanted to say thanks Mr. Nice guy. Female abuse is a serious thing, I honestly thought that he was kidding. If not, my response would have been different.