Because One is Always Forgotten

[haines]

A boy soldier in the bone-hot sun works his knife
to peel the face from a dead man

and hang it from the branch of a tree
flowering with such faces.


-- and let us be alone forever

[koto_ryu]

A boy soldier in the bone-hot sun works his knife
to peel the face from a dead man

and hang it from the branch of a tree
flowering with such faces.


-- and let us be alone forever

Keep working at that fast-food joint, buddy. Don't quit just yet

[Garland]

um....yeah...that's...nice.
very visual. Good how you used concrete, tangible images to really put the feeling into it, but, it's a little over the top. Subtlety is nice.
I think studying haiku will help you get over your little angsty phase, and will be a good outlet for your aspirations towards shitty poetry.
after all, it's hard to go too wrong with a limited number of syllables.