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Goron Alert
What is a Goron?
1. Gorons sincerely believe that Vice President Gore is a true environmentalist, when he has an environmental disaster on his own farm: a polluting zinc mine, from which he received $500,000 of income last year.
2. Gorons believe that the VP is anti-smoking and anti-tobacco when he has operated a tobacco farm for decades and accepted government subsidies.
3. Gorons truly believe that Gore is a Vietnam war hero, when in fact he was placed by family influence in a "cushy" correspondent's job and the only action he saw was that of his Brownie camera.
4. Gorons actually believe that Al Gore is justified in illegally raising political funds from the Office of the VP, simply because the Vanderbilt Law educated VP claims he was ignorant of the illegality.
5. Gorons believe that it was OK for Al Gore to accept large sums of political money from China through Buddhist monks who had taken vows of poverty, since he again claimed ignorance.
6. Gorons also believe that the man who claimed to "invent the internet" would be so computationally ignorant that he could lose weeks of potentially incriminating e-mail.
7. Gorons, incredibly, believe Gore's claim that he and Tipper were the models for the book and movie, "Love Story" even though the book's author, Erich Segal, says that's a bunch of crap.
8. Gorons, amazingly, believe that Gore will be the consumer's champion against high gasoline prices although Gore holds a million dollars in Occidental Petroleum stock.
9. Gorons applaud Mr. Lieberman's open rejection of President Clinton's immorality, but believe it was fine for Mr. Gore to remain silent on the subject, while simultaneously declaring Mr. Clinton "one of the greatest Presidents of our history."
10. Gorons believe that Al Gore is an effective leader, when they won't bother to look at his record as a Tennessee Senator, a record so ineffective that it has led to election of Republicans as BOTH of Tennessee's senators.
11. Gorons hold the belief that Gore is a compassionate man who will be the working man's friend, in spite of the eviction notice he served to the poor family who complained about the conditions of the run down slum house that he was renting to them.
Cautionary Note:Medical researchers acknowledge the Gorons are generally harmless, except when allowed into a voting booth. There, unfortunately, overcome by their gullibility syndrome, they are apt to actually vote for Gore. They should be carefully protected from their ailment, since it may be harmful to their well-being, yours, mine, and that of the USA. Therefore, PLEASE, heed the Surgeon General's warning, reach out to aid the Gorons in overcoming the syndrome, and PLEASE pass this on to your normal friends, who might also know Gorons who need immediate treatment.
1. Gorons sincerely believe that Vice President Gore is a true environmentalist, when he has an environmental disaster on his own farm: a polluting zinc mine, from which he received $500,000 of income last year.
2. Gorons believe that the VP is anti-smoking and anti-tobacco when he has operated a tobacco farm for decades and accepted government subsidies.
3. Gorons truly believe that Gore is a Vietnam war hero, when in fact he was placed by family influence in a "cushy" correspondent's job and the only action he saw was that of his Brownie camera.
4. Gorons actually believe that Al Gore is justified in illegally raising political funds from the Office of the VP, simply because the Vanderbilt Law educated VP claims he was ignorant of the illegality.
5. Gorons believe that it was OK for Al Gore to accept large sums of political money from China through Buddhist monks who had taken vows of poverty, since he again claimed ignorance.
6. Gorons also believe that the man who claimed to "invent the internet" would be so computationally ignorant that he could lose weeks of potentially incriminating e-mail.
7. Gorons, incredibly, believe Gore's claim that he and Tipper were the models for the book and movie, "Love Story" even though the book's author, Erich Segal, says that's a bunch of crap.
8. Gorons, amazingly, believe that Gore will be the consumer's champion against high gasoline prices although Gore holds a million dollars in Occidental Petroleum stock.
9. Gorons applaud Mr. Lieberman's open rejection of President Clinton's immorality, but believe it was fine for Mr. Gore to remain silent on the subject, while simultaneously declaring Mr. Clinton "one of the greatest Presidents of our history."
10. Gorons believe that Al Gore is an effective leader, when they won't bother to look at his record as a Tennessee Senator, a record so ineffective that it has led to election of Republicans as BOTH of Tennessee's senators.
11. Gorons hold the belief that Gore is a compassionate man who will be the working man's friend, in spite of the eviction notice he served to the poor family who complained about the conditions of the run down slum house that he was renting to them.
Cautionary Note:Medical researchers acknowledge the Gorons are generally harmless, except when allowed into a voting booth. There, unfortunately, overcome by their gullibility syndrome, they are apt to actually vote for Gore. They should be carefully protected from their ailment, since it may be harmful to their well-being, yours, mine, and that of the USA. Therefore, PLEASE, heed the Surgeon General's warning, reach out to aid the Gorons in overcoming the syndrome, and PLEASE pass this on to your normal friends, who might also know Gorons who need immediate treatment.
). Besides, look at Bush. Now Bush's participation in Vietnam was "CUSHY!" He was there just in case the North Vietnamese(sp?) managed to invade the US through Texas. Good job George!
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