true stories.

[shaolin-warrior]

I had a kid whip an egg at my 67 mustang. I got out chased him down, calmly dragged him back to my car and made him remove his shirt and wipe it off. Trust me it took a lot of self control not to kick his punk ass.

[Tant01]

I got hit with a drive-by water balloon the other day. ...

.... I found out one of my friends got hit with a drive by paintball once, and that made me feel a little better.

I knew a cripled guy years ago that was hit by a beer bottle. That cripled him...
One of my long time friends was mock assaulted by a punk with an Airsoft pistol. He "killed" her and walked away muttering laughter...

Yeah, sick world, eh?

[Tom Yum]

.....I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...

...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

Sounds like one helluva minstrel show...

[treelizard]

Yes, that was hilarious.

A friend of mine got egged yesterday as we were walking from a bookstore to a cafe. One egg and one water balloon in such a short period of time--makes me want to drive *everywhere.*

[makiwara]

some old lady looked at me funny, so I totally kicked the beejeezus out of her ailing dog with her walker, consequently breaking her hip in the process...
after which I mugged a group of girl scouts passing by for all the money they were raising for orphans with cancer...
and then I proceeded to stomp the shit out of a lemonade stand run by a mentally handicapped individual...
I then defecated in a church parkinglot, sexually solicited a nun and a trail of alter boys who were following closely behind her and urinated on an american flag...all while singing a mix of deutschland uber alles and dixie land.
I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...


and after a hard day's work, I treated myself to a glass of that lemonade and some of the samoa cookies I ripped off of those little trollips (!), and dreamed of the day I would be rich enough to open my own manatee farm, and the sweet, succulent taste of manatee burgers and dolphin fries with seal sauce, slurped down with the tears of incest survivors.

the end.






...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

Dude that was great. Ever heard of Carl Hiassan (SP?) You should write.

[Jiu-fu fighter]

Indeed ask him, is he taking on any understudies at this point?

I would love to be like garland one day

but at this point I am only going to fishing school to become a master-baiter

[shaolin-warrior]

Oh yeah,
When I grow up I want to be just like you..........

[shaolin-warrior]

Hello,


Garland,
Your wasting your talents on this forum. That was some funny shit. Id pos rep you again but the computer wont let me. You crack me up. Pope in black face. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You

[Ryan G]

christmas break 2 yrs ago.
at a friend's apartment, it was a small party.
some dude named Ben, the guy was real cocky and drunk, he started fighting my best friend.
the little brawl turned out to be a serious fight in the room, i thought i saw my best friend's head was clocked by a metal chair when he fell, blood sprayed (but really it was a wine bottle knocked over... i was pretty drunk myself)
got on top of Ben and started pounding on him, after a few punched he gave up then i stopped.
we kept arguing who did what and who hit who after i thought the whole thing was pretty stupid, so i apologized, and left the party voluntarily.


the end.

[WildWest.]

Good story Mike.

[osopardo]

...he didnt even get a shot in on me, cuz he had no arms, but still. [ATTACH]3279[/ATTACH]

Poor ol' BOB!

[osopardo]

C'mon, someone has to have done something dumb and have a story.

Understand first of all that I'm really just a big gentle loveable fuzzball with more patience than a Buddha. I really try to see the other person's side of the story in any altercation and it takes a blatant willful act of evil to anger me.

Well, some time back some lady rear-ended me at a traffic light. I came out of my car to see the damage and talk to her and make sure she wasn't hurt and she jumps out through the passenger side, putting her car between us, and she starts yelling at me; "It was an accident! Calm down! Back off or I'l spray you!" I guess the expression on my face was more scary than concerned...

Wow! now that's "presence"!

[treelizard]

I got hit with a drive-by water balloon the other day. I did see a car full of giggling girls, but I figured they were just staring at one of the two folks who was walking me to my car. He's quite a looker. Anyway I was surprised at first and it actually kinda hurt a bit, but then it actually felt really really good. My friends thought I was strange when I told them this and said that if they were me they'd be quiet. Still, I guess I need to work on situational awareness, haha. I found out one of my friends got hit with a drive by paintball once, and that made me feel a little better.

[Albert]

OK, so i got a story.. Today, i walked out in my backyard, and this fool waz givin me lookz, so i waz like wutz up bitch you wanna go, and he didnt say anything, just kept staring at me, so i waz just like, yo, and then i beat the crap outta him, and he didnt even get a shot in on me, cuz he had no arms, but still.

[Albert]

Ill be wearing bootz.