Tweet
Trust or Fancying - Emotional Aspects of Training and Student/Teacher Dating By tellner - Mon, 18 Jun 2007 17:44:38 GMT
=========
I'm spinning this off from a thread in the Horror Stories section. The original is about baby rapers among the ranks of martial arts teachers. The risks are obvious. The kids are in a situation where some of the normal rules are suspended. There's a person who is a living breathing symbol of power and authority whose attention they are vying for at least some of the time. The teacher has a lot of unsupervised access to the kids. It's not that there are more pedophiles in martial arts than anywhere else, but the ones who are there are in a situation that's nearly tailor made for them.
But that isn't the main subject here. There's a similar danger with female students. I've known an awful lot of black belts who date, and some who sexually prey on, their students. It's not the same dynamic, but it's close. Here's someone who's powerful at least in the confines of the dojo and usually athletic. The women in the class are used to a fair amount of physical contact with them, more than with most of the men they normally deal with. Add in the guru/groupie factor which a lot of MAs play up and the picture paints itself in the frame.
I haven't taught martial arts to that many women, but I've had hundreds as students in self defense classes. There's a point in training where students, male and female reach a certain critical level of trust and comfort with the teacher. With men I've most often seen it as a willingness to take things on faith and a touch or more of subordination. With women I've often though not always seen it expressed as, how shall I put it, a softening. The barriers are lowered. There's an acceptance of authority, greater emotional intimacy and a large dose of trust.
This is the dangerous bit. It's a common part of the process of establishing a close student-teacher relationship. But a lot of instructors and a whole bunch of their female students mistake it for affection of a different sort and sexual attraction. I've seen teachers and students fall into relationships, almost none of which ended well. And I've seen straight male and lesbian teachers who either expected it as a perk of the job or actively preyed on their female students by exploiting the phenomenon.
Given the unequal power relation I put almost all the ethical burden on the teacher although most of us have met the martial arts groupie who is always up for getting another belt in her notch. Sorry about that. It's a hard line to resist
MTer bushidomartialarts says he forbids his employees from dating the mothers of his junior students. The term we agreed on was "hunting over a baited field"
So what are your thoughts on the subject? What are the dynamics you've seen in your martial arts career? Am I seeing the shape of this correctly, or does it sound like I'm smoking those funny cigarettes made of Mexican rope?
Read More ... or click reply below.
------------------------------
MartialTalk.com Post Bot - Women's Self-Defense Feed
=========
I'm spinning this off from a thread in the Horror Stories section. The original is about baby rapers among the ranks of martial arts teachers. The risks are obvious. The kids are in a situation where some of the normal rules are suspended. There's a person who is a living breathing symbol of power and authority whose attention they are vying for at least some of the time. The teacher has a lot of unsupervised access to the kids. It's not that there are more pedophiles in martial arts than anywhere else, but the ones who are there are in a situation that's nearly tailor made for them.
But that isn't the main subject here. There's a similar danger with female students. I've known an awful lot of black belts who date, and some who sexually prey on, their students. It's not the same dynamic, but it's close. Here's someone who's powerful at least in the confines of the dojo and usually athletic. The women in the class are used to a fair amount of physical contact with them, more than with most of the men they normally deal with. Add in the guru/groupie factor which a lot of MAs play up and the picture paints itself in the frame.
I haven't taught martial arts to that many women, but I've had hundreds as students in self defense classes. There's a point in training where students, male and female reach a certain critical level of trust and comfort with the teacher. With men I've most often seen it as a willingness to take things on faith and a touch or more of subordination. With women I've often though not always seen it expressed as, how shall I put it, a softening. The barriers are lowered. There's an acceptance of authority, greater emotional intimacy and a large dose of trust.
This is the dangerous bit. It's a common part of the process of establishing a close student-teacher relationship. But a lot of instructors and a whole bunch of their female students mistake it for affection of a different sort and sexual attraction. I've seen teachers and students fall into relationships, almost none of which ended well. And I've seen straight male and lesbian teachers who either expected it as a perk of the job or actively preyed on their female students by exploiting the phenomenon.
Given the unequal power relation I put almost all the ethical burden on the teacher although most of us have met the martial arts groupie who is always up for getting another belt in her notch. Sorry about that. It's a hard line to resist
MTer bushidomartialarts says he forbids his employees from dating the mothers of his junior students. The term we agreed on was "hunting over a baited field"
So what are your thoughts on the subject? What are the dynamics you've seen in your martial arts career? Am I seeing the shape of this correctly, or does it sound like I'm smoking those funny cigarettes made of Mexican rope?
Read More ... or click reply below.
------------------------------
MartialTalk.com Post Bot - Women's Self-Defense Feed
:fu:
Comment