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MT: Getting jaded about danger

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  • MT: Getting jaded about danger

    Getting jaded about danger By Flea - 06-17-2009 10:26 AM


    On one level I consider this a positive thing, because the MA has taught me a level of situational awareness beyond what I ever expected. And it's made me more confident, of course.

    Last night I came home from class and immediately took the dog out. I ran across a neighbor who insisted on walking me home. He often does this simply for the pleasure of one another's company, but last night he was serious. Why? He's never met a stranger, and he had the first-hand scoop that someone has been stalking the prostitutes on the block and assaulting them. Someone who met that description was out pacing the sidewalk. We watched him for several minutes - a poorly concealed swagger, slowly pacing up and down the block on the same side of the street. This time last year I don't think I would have picked up on the body language. So on that level I was pretty pleased.

    After I got home I sent a casual email to a friend. Ho hum, some serial rapist is after the streetwalkers, but I'm not a prostitute so I don't have to worry so much. I made a great sandwich for lunch today ...

    Is this normal? I'm sure it is for anyone who spends enough time in a crazy situation. This morning I went back over the email I had sent and I was downright horrified at my tone. My friend must have thought I've finally flipped for good. It's not that I don't feel compassion for the streetwalkers, it's just that my shock threshold has soared way beyond my wildest expectations.

    This is not the kind of person I want to be. Moving is the obvious remedy to this, but that's much easier said than done (my neighbor and I have a friendly competition as to who can get outta Dodge first.) I suppose I could find some therapist, but I also wonder whether I should. Isn't it better to have some psychological shields? I don't know where the balance should be between compassion and a thick skin. I'd love some feedback on this.

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