Erica

[Lightning&Earth]

My experiences with childhood abuse and neglect shaped the man i am today. even though i am a bit brash at times my heart is in the right place.
One of the things that i have taught women and children and adults alike is that you have a CHOICE when it comes to your past abuse.
my quote" You can utilize your past abuses as TOOLS OF STRENGTH rather than CROSSES to bear"

i once worked with and was counseled by members of the TAASA organization (Texas Association Against Sexual Assault) they gave me thier manual and further educated my self defense teachings for women.

i have taught in day cares to ADD children as well as troubled kids(obvious neglect issues) and in my days as an instructor at my former school i had the opportunity to teach well rounded adults and children as well as those who had issues.

In the Thread you posted on Mens Violence started some heated debates between Shelia and myself. and as you have seen other "Men" have interjected thier own opinions and Facts.
I try not to "specify" the issues of violence and assualt for as we have seen and i am sure in your line of work you see Violence and assualt in many forms. Yes i know what the statistics show and i am not blind to the Facts,,,,but i am not one to place a blame on any one gender or group. to me it just serves to point a finger and create a rift in the relationships we have in this society.
i have talked with some women about this subject and have shown them the posts and some of them agree that Shelia is a twit and others crucify me for being a prick to her. but when they talk about vilonce and assault to them they do not automatically categorize the male species as the forefront. They feel as i do that Violence is Violence is not gender specific, and these are women who i have no influence on other than i am friends with them and they are fiercely independant women.

i feel as though self defense classes ought not to be utilized as a means to create disdain for men. in the past when i am showing survival skills i say" okay now when the "attacker does this...etc etc. not when the MAN does this...etc etc.

what abused women DO NOT NEED is to have thier own anger and depression enhanced upon by associating a male aspect to thier previous abuse. even though thier abuse was by a MALE.
i know this might not set well with some women and feminist trains of thought. But to alot of us who HAVE survived violence we have come to terms that Violence in it of itself has no face no gender,,and no specific target. i dont hate women because my mother abused me as a kid. in fact i love women and is further strengthened by that fact that i have the ability as a PERSON to forgive and go on.
i also understand that in the first stages of the depression and anger resulting from an attack,,the psyche needs at first to attach a name and a face to the crime. the LAW demands this in order for justice to be served. it is in the afterwards that the true "Therapist" helps to detach the face and the name.
it is controversial but i can speak from experience that it has made all the difference with me AND with women that i have seen go thourgh this therapy in conunction with the martial arts.
for as you will see that in the rules of combat there ARE NO rules except that of survival. at the moent of attack or the self defense situation you are not thinking " oh m,y god a MAN is attacking me" you are thinking "OMG i m being attacked."
i know this is a long post but i feel it necessary to share.
good luck to you in your journey with Law enforcement.
i will continue to share with you and post as needed.
what i will not tolerate though is Male bashing OR passive aggresive insults such as i have experienced with a particular poster here.

Many respects,,,Lightning and Earth

[anton]

I respect your opinions and agree that it is sexist, stupid and offensive to categorise all men as violent or abusive. However I do think there is some value in teaching women how to defend themselves against men. In practice most violent/sexual attacks on women are perpetrated by men - so perhaps teaching women to "go for the nads" when confronted by a man, might not be such a bad idea.

[Lost Ronin]

Originally posted by anton
I respect your opinions and agree that it is sexist, stupid and offensive to categorise all men as violent or abusive. However I do think there is some value in teaching women how to defend themselves against men. In practice most violent/sexual attacks on women are perpetrated by men - so perhaps teaching women to "go for the nads" when confronted by a man, might not be such a bad idea.

Hear! Hear! I agree with anton 100% I am not an abusive pig, therefore, I shall teach every woman that wants to learn how to defend herself as best as possible. Self defense is a very neglected aspect of women's lives. Many have been lead to believe that it's "un lady like" to fight. There is no such thing as chivalry or etiquette in a rape attempt.

[terry]

Whatever happened to Erica? She was an interesting bird: she seemed happy to accept the confessions of men who had committed violence, yet she was unwilling to discuss her own obvious sexism. The "all men are potential rapists" line is a curious thing coming from a self-defense instructor. How does that empower your students to deal with the real threats they face or to recover from past trauma? Seems rather counter productive and extremist to me.

Terry

[Erica]

HELLO

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME. I AM IN TRAINING WITH THE JUSTICE DEPT. HOW HAVE YOU ALL BEEN? I AM IN A PROGRAM CALLED THE NATIONAL POLICE CORPS.
I AM NOT "HAPPY" ABOUT CONFESSIONS OF MEN - BUT YET I THINK IT IS GOOD TO HEAR MEN ACCEPT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY OF THEIR VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN (SEE MEN STOPPING VIOLENCE PROGRAM). ALL MEN HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY - DO NOTHING TO HELP IS HELPING PERPETUATE THE VIOLENCE-. I DO NOT THINK ALL MEN OR FOR THAT MATTER WOMEN ARE POTENTIAL RAPISTS.

[Ryu (JKD?)]

What bothers me a lot in our society, (and I think something in direct correlation with the behaviors of men in the culture) is the fact that our pop culture and prevailing attitudes towards males in our soceity is quite "sexist" not from women, but from ourselves, entertainment industry, the media, etc.

Males in our society are NOT supported to speak out against that which is wrong or damaging in our society. If a man claims that he wishes not to look at "girlie" magazines, or that he thinks strip clubs are damaging to both genders, or that he wishes to focus on writing poetry, or showing emotion during times of stress, or whatever other myriad of things..... he is more than usually downplayed as "gay", "unmasculine", a "girlie man" or any other host of insults, etc.

The society constantly bombards us with pressure and images that we are stupid, lazy, immature can't control ourselves when it comes to sex, sleep around, can't please women unless we're rough and dominant over them, etc.

I think 90% of what is accepted as "what a man is like" in our society is very insulting to men. Not only is it sexist, but I'd say damaging to our perceptions of ourselves over time.

MANY people talk about women's perceptions, women being treated bad, and such. What is NOT talked about is the fact that men are also held to lowly standards, and "patted on the back" for acting immature, sex-crazed, etc.

Men SHOULD be reinforced and supported for taking responsibility for themselves, providing for their families, treating women with respect, disliking things like strip clubs, girlie magazines, etc. They should be appreciated for their ability to think, create, love, protect, be noble, help community, etc. But in most media and pop culture, the opposite is true.

This is not to say the general public doesn't support men who indeed act like "real men," but I think (and it seems hard to argue) that the prevelant (and growing) attitude towards us in this society is that the "real man" is the beer-swinging, strip-bar a-going, sex-starved, overly aggressive male, who doesn't take "shit from no one"

I think there should be A LOT more focus on de"mystifying" the stereotypes plauging men as much as there is plaguing women.

Men, are NOT the evil villians they're made out to be. But if society keeps reinforcing negative and unethical stereotypes of the man, many will probably feel the need to fit that stereotype.

Positive male roles in society are extremely needed in our society.


Ryu

[terry]

Erica's statement that 'ALL MEN HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY' for their violence against women is problematic at best. It assumes guilt. Whether you label it gender bashing or female sexism or make some apology for it doesn't change the fact that this kind of thinking is unfair, demeaning and counterproductive. Shouldn't we expect more impartiality and fairness from a police officer?

Question: What 'guilt' does a man have who has not, either by an act of commission or by an act of omission, participated in any violence, harrassment, intimidation, discrimination or other ill treatment of women?

Moderate Answer: None.
Extremist Answer: There are no such men.

Indeed, there are some feminists out there that have no room in their ideology for a positive opinion of men. To the extent that this happens they could properly be labelled as 'extremists'. These people alienate the moderate men that would otherwise be their allies. You do not empower women to defend themselves by making ugly gender-bashing rhetoric.

Terry

"To pre-judge an individual based on the presumed characteristics of an entire group is the very essence of prejudice." --Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, writing in a majority opinion on racism, June 2003.

[kengar]

ALL MEN HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY - DO NOTHING TO HELP IS HELPING PERPETUATE THE VIOLENCE-. I DO NOT THINK ALL MEN OR FOR THAT MATTER WOMEN ARE POTENTIAL RAPISTS.

That's exactly what your saying. So we can put the blame of of all the children who have taken weapons into schools and hurt/killed their classmates on you? You take responsibility for the 9/11 attacks? What did you do before that date to force congress into stricter Immigration and tighten airport security? "All men have a responsibility, ALL WOMEN HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY!
I can only hope that you're not a police officer.

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Both sexes have a responsibility to work together to get rid of certain aspects of culture that are harmful. Whether it comes from unwise sexuality, drugs, violence, stereotyping, etc.

"All men have a responsibility" should probably be read more along the lines of "all men have a responsibility to combat harmful stereotypes about themselves and about women. As well as a responsibility to create a safer community, etc. Women have the same responsibility in combating harmful stereotypes about themselves and men. As well as a responsibility to create a safer community."

Ryu

[terry]

I buy that.

[Thai Bri]

Shouldn't there be a whole forum based on this topic? You could call it "General Sexist Bigotry".

[Lizard]

Actualy although I find it very anoyying that people say things like "men commit rape therefore all men are evil and if you don't do something about you're as guilty as the criminals".

I do believe than all men are potential rpists, it's only recently that things have changed. Now we are all taught that rape is wrong and there is better law enforcement.

I have an interesting theory: I beleive that rape would have only been used against female members of other tribes. It might have been considered OK to rape women from another tribe but wrong to rape women from your tribe. Recently humans have gone from living in small groups to living in huge groups and so rape has lowered and only the minority of men now become rapists.

[kengar]

Lizard
I do believe than all men are potential rpists,

So you're a potential child molester, crack head and terrorist? What the hell's wrong with you?

I have an interesting theory: I beleive that rape would have only been used against female members of other tribes. It might have been considered OK to rape women from another tribe but wrong to rape women from your tribe.

This part I can go with, that's were the saying 'Rape and Pillage comes from. Pirates and barbarians would attack villages to rape women and loot. Though rape has always been rape and I don't think the women back then enjoyed it. It hasn't come to light that rape is 'wrong', it has come to light that people aren't going to put of up with abusive attacks.

[Lizard]

Another theory: Rapists passed on their genes so men evolved to be rapists. The women who got raped had no choice other than to raise the child anyway, there was no point in trying to get revenge on the rapist.

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Originally posted by Lizard
Another theory: Rapists passed on their genes so men evolved to be rapists. The women who got raped had no choice other than to raise the child anyway, there was no point in trying to get revenge on the rapist.

Most laughable thing I've ever read on this forum.


Ryu