To Women On This Forum

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Xebby! What are you doing here? Well welcome to Mousel's. I don't think you've posted here before have you?

Xeb, since you asked an honest question with a lot of respect, I'm going to give you the best answer I can. It might even be something different than you're expecting. Here goes.

Xeb, you've mentioned over and over again in your post about a frustrated sex life. Before we even get into "porn," I'm going to address that.

First of all, sex is not a horrid evil that harms mankind. Sex is quite the opposite. It's a powerful and natural aspect of all living things and is the only way we can continue our species. Sex in itself is not sinful, evil, or wrong in any way. Sex is simply an action (like eating, etc.) Sex can only become "evil" etc. if people purposely make it that way.
If one has a frustrated sex life, that is an issue that must be addressed first and foremost. Pornography isn't even an issue here. What is an issue is for the person to try and figure out "why" his sex life is so frustrating.
What is it about him (or the people he's with) that is causing this unsatisfaction?
If (as you say) one can't seem to find a functional, healthy, and private sex life with a loving partner, this is an issue in his life he needs to really figure out. Instead of simply masturbating (which I don't consider "evil" either) he should be trying to understand what is going on in his life.
Does this person have a hard time expressing himself to women? Does he feel awkward, unattractive, unconfident? One of the keys to sexual satisfaction, is the companionship of one partner who loves and cares for you deeply.
There are SO many men who sleep around only to be left with feelings of being unloved, unsatisfied, and empty as they reach their middle-age years. This is because men (just like women) biologically crave companionship and life-long partners. The society seems to stereotype men as the ones who can't stay with one woman, love sleeping around, and a lot times encourage men to think about nothing but sex from a woman.
This is why so many men seem to grow into the problems you're describing.

You have to find out exactly why your sex life is frustrating. Pornography and masturbation serve only as a way to keep yourself grounded, and temporarily satisfy yourself. But the problem will not go away unless you do something about it. This is one of the key problems with depending on porn for sexual stimulus. If you replace a REAL sex life with it, you'll start becoming less and less enthusiastic about trying to find someone you can relate to and love. This isn't to say you'll stop looking, but porn can easily become a "crutch" to people who think they have no chance with women, and suffer from low self-esteem, etc. The pornography doesn't help at ALL with their self-esteem. In fact, a lot of times it adds to their feelings of awkwardness with women.

Finding life partners, having a healthy monogomous sex life is not wrong. Because sex is something that requires a lot of responsibility and emotional certainty, most "religions" equate it with a relationship where both people are strongly intertwined together, understand themselves and each other, and wish to share it as a bond (i.e. marriage).

But because you've mentioned more than once about "sexual frustration".....you've got to deal with that very real aspect of your life first. This is something "porn" can't fix.

Let me continue on another post.

.....

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Now that we've addressed the very real problem of sexual frustration, we need to get into some of the problems that pornography add to it.

Okay first. Masturbation, etc. is not necessarily something that will effect your self-confidence, etc. It's been said that 98% of men masturbate, and the other 2% are lying.
It definitely can be used to temporarily relieve sexual tensions, and to be perfectly honest I don't find any real danger in that at all. That can be healthy if done in the right way.

Pornography is a bit different, and let me explain why. First of all, I will start out by saying (just like sex) that nudity, etc. isn't "wrong" in itself. It's a natural state just like anything else. We see "nudity" everyday when we take a shower. There's nothing evil about it. Again... nudity only becomes wrong when people purposely make it as such.

There is a difference between erotic fantasy/imagination and pornography. Pornography, first of all deals with real people. These people are willingly displaying themselves, many don't consider it wrong, and many make lots of money doing it. That's all very true. (to make an honest assessment of what you asked me, I can't lie about things.)

Before I get into it deeply, let me address how pornography effects the biggest issue you have. Sexual frustration. We've alreay seen that sexual frustration, "not getting any," etc. deals a lot with awkwardness, low-self esteem, not having confidence around women (or perhaps a fake confidence.)
If low self-confidence and awkwardness are some of the contributors to someone's frustrated sexual life, pornography hurts (not helps) those feelings.
Pornography, as I mentioned before becomes a crutch that someone can rely on to mask their confidence problems, and awkwardness towards women. Porn offers someone women who don't turn their nose at them, don't reject them, don't laugh or ridicule or dislike them. It also offers people a sexual gratification WITHOUT having to go through the sometimes awkward process of developing a worthwhile relationship with someone.
At first glance this can look to be a good thing. But let's look deeper. If your frustrated sex life stems from awkwardness from women, pornography starts to hamper, not help that very real issue you need to address. You never address your awkwardness in pornographic material because you don't have to. You may be temporarily satisfied, but when you go out into the real world again....your awkwardness is still there. (and sometimes (not always) even compounded from the use of porn)

Pornography also has a way of making you feel a bit "unconfident" at yourself too. A lot of men feel as if "all they do is watch porn, and don't have real relationships." Subconsciously it goes to their heads that the only "woman" that will not reject them is one on TV whose "job" is to titilate them.

Not very good for our self-confidence or self-image for that matter. And self-confidence and image are among the most important aspects in developing meaningful and healthy relationships.

Second, is the pornography itself. Since it does deal with real people, you are looking at someone's daughter, mother, sister, etc. Or father, brother, or son.
A lot of families are split because of the choice to work in pornography, and you can never be sure how your actions (innocent as they may be) can effect others.
Everytime someone watches or rents a certain porno might bring a lot of pain and suffering to the "star's" mother, or brother, or sister. There's a lot of things and people involved.

Pornography (if its accepted as okay) is also damaging to the self-image of women themselves. I've met a lot of women who think that men only want the types of girls that are in those magazines, movies, etc. and (despite feeling uncomfortable and sometimes a bit ashamed) try to throw off their feelings that it's wrong to be glamorized as just a sexual body.
I've also met women who strive to look like those people, get breast implants, fatter lips, base their own self-worth on how men see them.

To glamorize sex in a casual way (where no privacy and responsibility takes effect) leads to hurtful images, confusing feelings and situations, and also damaging consequences (teen pregnancy, increased abortion, prostitution, rape, etc.)
The more it's seen as a public spectacle, the harder it is to speak out against it or even believe otherwise.

The women and men in these films are also not always "healthy-minded" as well. Some of them truly have no self-worth for what they are doing, and are treated like dirt by the producers of the films, their families, friends, etc. Some think that the only way they mean anything in life is to have men enjoying their bodies. They've been almost "brainwashed" (by whatever situation or experience) into believing they shouldn't be treated as respectful women because they "are a porn slut."
Everytime someone rents or watches their films, it encourages them to make more of them, and that encourages their false belief that the only thing they are good for is "sex."
That's a very very damaging self-image. And one that a lot more "pornography" actors have then people want to believe.

Many pornography actors get into drugs, are raped, are treated like dirt. Some are forced into pornography because they have no other means of surviving. (Runaways, orphans, etc.)
Giving money and encouragement to the porn industry also does its part to encourage these things as well.

It all comes down to what you want to do with yourself. You're not some evil person if you watched a porno. But before you do, you might want to take into consideration all the things I mentioned. The "seedy" underbelly of society is seedy for a reason.

So it comes down to this in all functionality, Xebby. If your main goal is to get temporary sexual gratification, watch porn. If your main goal is to find and develop a lasting and healthy relationship where sex is not only a strong part of it, but an amazing part of it, throw the porn away for a while, and figure out what you can do to find that person.

Hope that helps, and I hope I answered your question well.

Take care!

Ryu

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Just wanted to add that this response was directed at the men who feel "they can't get any" etc.

There are lots of men who casually watch porn who don't suffer from low self-confidence, have relationships, etc. This doesn't make it any more "right"...

...But that's another post.

(Also, I say this stuff not as a "holier than thou" person. I say it from experience. My own as well as others.)

Ryu

[Thai Bri]

You are breaching forum rules. Long long posts that go on and on about nothing, but manage to tell us all what to think MUST be followed by the phrase "Ms J bows deeply".

Tell 'im terry!

[Ripley]

I thought the post about porn was well argued and did say something worth reading.

[Xebsball]

Yo Ryu, im here cos... im EVERYWHERE
And i know where U LIVE!

Just kidding

I lurk at a lot of forums (kfo/mma.tv/fu-ragz/girlfighters/emptyflower/jareks/here/sherdog/portaldovaletudo/cyberkwoon... and maybe some i forgot) though being active on just a few.

I liked your post on pr0n, i agree with your point on the great majority of it... used to see it differently before reading your stuff...
Was writting a huge post, but realised it got into speciffics of issues o my own turning it off-topic i think, anyway

Thanks very much man

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Hey dude, it was my pleasure.

Glad I could help out.

You know I haven't posted on FuRagz in some time...and I'm a mod of the JKD board!
I talk with Wushu Chik quite a bit online (IM's, etc.) but for the last couple weeks I've been so busy with my teaching and studio set ups that I haven't had much time to do anything except train.

Anyway, talk to you later, my friend.

Ryu

[Ghost]

I just surfed in from my usual spot in the Mixed Martial Arts section. Looking for some MA chicks.Looking for some MA chicks.(guys will laugh)



Then holy crap i start reading all this stuff that makes me want to kill myself.

Whats all this respectfully crap.
I thank you for respectfully writing a load of crapbla blah blah.

You are a man therefore you should visit the web site www.womanbasher.com
and www.feelguiltytobemale.com

Please

We dont need rubbish like this. Im proud to be male. I love women. Please can we talk about Martial Arts for women not a load of rubbish. Lorne im sure you have some background that makes you like this but dont take everything out on men.

Its not fair.

Its not nice to make us feel like we cant say what we want and we have to be respectfull and everything.
Ill say what i like and you should too.

[Thai Bri]

Having a knob like you as a part of our gender concedes a point to Loone.

[Ghost]

Shut up Bi Bri you Gaylord

[Ryu (JKD?)]

Yeah! "Bi Bri"!!!

LMAO! Why are seven year olds allowed to play on the computer anyway?
Kind of a shame really....some kids really have no idea what being a real man is all about. Guess they're young though...



Ryu

[Lizard]

Originally posted by Thai Bri
Having a knob like you as a part of our gender concedes a point to Loone.

Thought that having a knob was what our gender was all about.

[Thai Bri]

Yeah. But not between your ears.

[jen33]

You men are so funny! Coming together and saying that you're proud to be men! Ha Ha Ha! Really!

[platinum_angel]

here we go again.