Battle of the sexes

[Tom Yum]

I got this from a lady friend of mine. Its probably R-rated as it deals with mature topics in dating.

If jokes about dating offend you or you are under 17, do not read further.

Thank you.

[Tom Yum]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish...............................49.
Adventurous....................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.............................No breasts.
Average looking...............Moooo.
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure...........On medication.
Feminist............................Fat.
Free spirit.........................Junkie.
Friendship first..................Former slut.
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned...................No BJs.
Open.................................Desperate.
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional......................Bitch.
Voluptuous........................Very Fat.
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate...............Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.

[DickHardman]

tom, you seem to be really preoccupied with having sex. it seems like its all you can think about.

[Tom Yum]

not really, Dick Hardman. But keep up with those posts about Phil Collins.

[DickHardman]

But keep up with those posts about Phil Collins.

ah, another phil collins fan i see. heres another classic for you to enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGJv98GxT9E

[osopardo]

ah, another phil collins fan ...

pish posh - here's the real talent of genesis...

[osopardo]

Genius

SHEER GENIOUS!

[DickHardman]

phil collins all the way bro. you may be a peter gabriel fan and thats ok, but me and tom are firm phil collins fans. heres another awesome video from the man himself....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oj10U8k-mIs

[osopardo]

Collins is very good

But Gabriel is better lookin' and has better hair!

[osopardo]

well, at least his videos have the best FX -


then again, the "Land of Confusion" video was really really really good...






Ahh, early MTV! Good times!

[Tom Yum]

then again, the "Land of Confusion" video was really really really good...

Ahh, early MTV! Good times!

THIS IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN!

OOOh OOOOhOOOOO!

AND THESE ARE THE HANDS WE'RE GIVEN!


OOH OOOO!

Yes, good times indeed! Remember this one...



TAAAAAAKE OOOOOONNNN MEEEEEEE

take on me

TAAAAKKEE MMEEEEEEE ONNNNNN

take on me

(nice vid too!)

[Tom Yum]

And for those of sincere heart

When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few
minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and
wonders if you do

When you're laying your head on a guy's
chest,
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday,
he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you,
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you, "
he misses you more than you could have
ever missed him or anything else


Girl Facts


When a girl bumps into your arm
while walking she wants
you to hold her hand

When she wants a hug
she will just stand there

When u break a girls heart,
she still feels it when
u run into each other 3 years later

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her
mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of
questions,
she is wondering how long you will be
around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a
few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so
wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl says that she can't live
without you,
she has made up her mind that you are
her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you, "
no one in this world can miss you more
than that

When a girl is mean to you after a breakup
she wants you back, but she's
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever

[DickHardman]

i bet tom was so relieved when he thought he had completely changed the topic away from his sexual compulsions by bringing up our shared fondess for phil collins.

[Tom Yum]

i bet tom was so relieved when he thought he had completely changed the topic away from his sexual compulsions by bringing up our shared fondess for phil collins.

Yep.

I'm enjoying the cleaner version - the battle of the sexes that I posted too.