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time traveller busted by fbi for insider trading

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  • time traveller busted by fbi for insider trading

    check out this story, its about a guy from the future who went back into time to do kinda what Biff did in Back to the Future II, he we came back to our time and invested in stocks he knew were going to make tons of money. now the fbi has busted him for insider trading because he quickly made a ridiculous fortune in stocks. oddly, authorities have no trace of this mans past. the authorities who took him into custody need to be careful though, what if he is really a cyborg sent back through time to terminate certain people???

    "NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

    Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

    "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

    "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

    "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

    The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

    "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

    When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

    Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

    "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

    In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

    All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

    However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

    Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

    Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. "

  • #2
    If the guy is really from the future he screwed up. Why play the stocks where you get taxed on captial gains?

    Play the Canadian lottery! Get the 6/49 or the Super 7 numbers in advance and you're set! Gambling gains are tax-free under Canadian law!

    Dumb-ass time travelers.

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    • #3
      Definately a time traveller. Ask him where he was when Ryan Gracie died.

      Comment


      • #4
        This is an old story, and it was exposed as a hoax.

        I say old, I'm currently in the year 2189.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Thai Bri View Post
          Definately a time traveller. Ask him where he was when Ryan Gracie died.
          during that time a woman was sitting on his face.

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