How did you get proof your partner was cheating?

[LoterGarry]

Just that. I have my suspicions but I just don’t know how to prove it. We don’t live together so it’s very easy for him to do it, if he is.

Sometimes he can be very reassuring, and I say to him how happy it’s made me and then the effect of that makes us happier. But more often than not, he’s not reassuring at all and just gets angry which makes my suspicions worse.

I know I’m probably not making much sense because I just can’t explain it. I know people say your gut is always right, but I have to have proof so I can’t be made out to be crazy. One girl I think he may have been speaking to, I’m so tempted to message but I’m paranoid she’s going to tell him I’ve messaged her and, as above, I’ll be the crazy, “toxic” one.

Deep down I don’t think he would do it to me, but actions speak louder than words in my opinion and I just need to know either way. He says I’m paranoid and negative, which maybe I am, but if he constantly reassured me and made me feel safe then I wouldn’t be. I don’t accuse him of cheating on me, I’ll just ask questions of where he’s been and things like that. Or he’ll lie about staying at a mates house and then get angry with me when I find out. Argh my head is in turmoil.

Thank you.

[LanestIo]

For me: the first time, the OM's wife knocked on our door, said, "Your wife's been shagging my husband," then I found some incriminating texts which nailed it. The second time: the OM (same one, a few months later) must have fucked up because his wife got access to his emails. She printed them out and mailed them to my place of work.

[Sanidly]

I was in a similar pickle once, and what helped me calm my head was getting clear, factual stuff instead of guessing. I used tinder account finde myself, just to rule out any hidden dating profiles, and it gave me a bit of grounding. Alongside that, I watched for changes in effort and communication and asked direct questions when things felt off.