Best Way to Handle Stalkers

[Tom Yum]

They say restraining orders don't work, but I think it'd be good to get one anyway. Then when something happens, if you have to hurt the person, there's proof they were stalking you, sort of.

Sounds good.

If someone's stalking you, document it if you can. Then be prepaired.

[DickHardman]

Did he start smoking da herb too? lmao

of course. if your gonna be hanging out with me, then you know you gonna be burning bowls.

[DickHardman]

Its just game playing for control, whether they are aware of it or not.

Here's what I've found from personal experience and many, many long conversations with dudes and dudettes.

The game playing slows down a bit in their late 20's/ early 30's, but it depends on the person...

In their late 30's/early 40's they act the way you wished they would've when you were 18!

Go for the Demi Moore!!!

yo tom, this seems to happen to me a lot. i will meet a girl who seems nice and interested in me, but once i show here any interest she will not want to talk to me. is this part of the same thing tom?

[Garland]

yo tom, this seems to happen to me a lot. i will meet a girl who seems nice and interested in me, but once i show here any interest she will not want to talk to me. is this part of the same thing tom?

Let me put it this way...the girls that take noticeable interest in me are usually on-the-spot certifiable. I'm going into psych for a reason, and it's this unnatural talent I have. Put me at admissions...if the chick offers me her number...she needs at least a 48 hour watch.

[DickHardman]

Let me put it this way...the girls that take noticeable interest in me are usually on-the-spot certifiable. I'm going into psych for a reason, and it's this unnatural talent I have. Put me at admissions...if the chick offers me her number...she needs at least a 48 hour watch.

i thought we were talking about me.

[treelizard]

Let me put it this way...the girls that take noticeable interest in me are usually on-the-spot certifiable. I'm going into psych for a reason, and it's this unnatural talent I have. Put me at admissions...if the chick offers me her number...she needs at least a 48 hour watch.

Maybe because you meet girls at raves?

[kanik]

just knock him out with the no-toucher that outa teach 'em a lesson eh? then call your granny to piss in there mouth while on the floor... "hyaa! hey why arent you on the grpound???" *bash* "coz you are bitc*"

[Hardball]

Yup...

Here's the thing. You need to establish a pattern of behavior that clearly demonstrates who is the victim.

On occasion the perp will do the same thing (get a restraining order) In MOST domestic situations the "stay away" order of the court is mutual.

IF you have a restraining order filed against you it becomes illegal for you to posess any weapon!

So, you need to start the paper trail early and secure the right to protect yourself.

That has got to be state or local law. I don't think they have that law in my town.

[Hardball]

Any motive involved? Why have you drawn the stalker? Knowing him will help you lead him down a particular path...sounds much easier to prepare for than a complete stranger taking you totally by surprise.

Clear case of Good guys VS Bad guys. The bad guys don't like the way you break their code of conduct but what they don't realize is that alot of good guys go by a code of conduct themselves. Slightly different but a code of conduct nevertheless.

[Hardball]

Stalker usually not a stranger; trigger is often jealousy
Posted 2/8/2007 10:20 PM ET E-mail | Save | Print | Reprints & Permissions | Subscribe to stories like this



By Wendy Koch, USA TODAY
Nicole Kidman, Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan, Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Steven Spielberg, Gwyneth Paltrow, Richard Gere and Katie Holmes share an experience beyond being on the Hollywood A-list. They've all reported being stalked, often by delusional fans.
Their widely publicized cases are unusual, though, because they involved strangers. Most stalkers and victims know each other, and many have a current or former romantic tie, says Mary Lou Leary, executive director of the National Center for Victims of Crime.

She cites government figures showing that 77% of female victims and 64% of male victims knew their stalkers. The most common trigger: a broken, lonely or jealous heart.

Astronaut Lisa Nowak, charged this week with attempted murder, knew Colleen Shipman, the woman she is accused of attacking at Orlando International Airport early Monday. Police said Nowak viewed her as a romantic rival over fellow astronaut William Oefelein.

After the alleged attack, Shipman filed a petition for a protective order in which she said Nowak had stalked her for about two months.

The case is unusual in that it alleges one woman stalked another, says Mindy Mechanic, assistant professor of psychology at California State University, Fullerton. She says most stalkers are men.

Noting Nowak's accomplished career, Mechanic says she has seen cases of stalkers who are highly educated, successful people but emotionally immature.

In celebrity cases, she says, stalkers often have psychiatric disorders. The more typical stalker, however, is someone who has trouble letting go of a real or imagined relationship but whose emotional condition may be less severe than a mental illness.

"The problem with stalking-related behavior is it's a slippery slope," she says. "It's normal not to want to let someone go," but it can become a problem when a rejected person persists, she says.

"It's often about power and control," Leary says. She says it can become dangerous, leading to sexual assault and murder, especially when a stalker takes the attitude that "if I can't have you, no one will."

The most recent comprehensive research on stalking, a 1998 Justice Department study, found that more than 1 million women and about 370,000 men are stalked annually in the USA. Women account for 78% of the victims and men for 87% of the perpetrators. The study said one in every 12 women will be stalked during her lifetime, and 81% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner were physically attacked.

A survey of nearly 10,000 adults published in 2006 found 4.5% reported having been stalked. It was done by Kathleen Basile, a scientist at the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

Leary says no figures exist on whether stalking has increased, but she says awareness of it as a crime has grown.

Victims need to report abuse but often find it difficult to accept that they're being stalked, says Lois Manns of the West Virginia Foundation for Rape Information and Services.

All 50 states have adopted anti-stalking laws, and 15 consider a first offense a felony, says Leary, a former prosecutor. She says, however, that it's often difficult to prove stalking, and that convicted stalkers tend to get light sentences.

Leary says stalkers have become better at evading detection and increasingly use Global Positioning System devices, spycams and computer software. She says many are no longer "lurking in the shadows in a trench coat."

[Tom Yum]

Stalker usually not a stranger; trigger is often jealousy

That makes sense.

[Hardball]

WHAT IF?? WHAT IF THERE WERE NO STALKING LAWS? How would that change your response? For years there were no stalking laws on the books.

[treelizard]

WHAT IF?? WHAT IF THERE WERE NO STALKING LAWS? How would that change your response? For years there were no stalking laws on the books.

Read the book Point Last Seen.

[Hardball]

K' Who's the author?

[treelizard]

K' Who's the author?

Hannah Nyala. It's actually a book about tracking (one of the very few written by a woman) but she had a crazy exhusband before there were stalking laws. He would kidnap her kids a lot, sometimes legally. She writes about the ways she handled it. Really awesome book. Sadly I just lent mine out or I'd quote some of it.