Your Opinions On Age Differences in Relationships...

[Battery]

I used to post here a bit...haven't been here for a while though.
However, I was wanting some opinions on something...and I remembered at least some of you people being sensible, reasonable guys...and girls... Thought I'd drop by and ask you...if it isn't appropriate, no problem, and sorry for inconveniences.

Okay...What's your views on age differences in relationships, namely men with younger women...nothing illegal though, of course.
I'm kind of in two minds about the situation I'm in at the moment is all...

[Thai Bri]

The difference depends on the age. 10 years difference is ok between a 40 and a 50 yea old..... but not a 10 and 20 year old.

More details required.

[Battery]

Hmmm...

I'm not quite 17.
I understand that's still very young to be in a relationship, and to be honest I've never really had much experience in that arena at all. Recently I began a kind of "online relationship" with someone I met on another message board. That sounds bad in itself, although I personally see it as a good thing at the moment, or am trying to. He's on the other side of the world, which makes it a lot safer, especially considering I'm still a minor.
We do not plan on 'doing' anything other than communicating via emails and the message board for at least another year and a half, but the fact still remains that he's, well, 34.
We've spoken about meeting one day and he seems pretty convinced that I'm something special to him.

I fully realise my lack of experience here - what do you think? It seems to me that his motives are relatively pure, in that he's a "good" person.
Is it strange for someone that age to be interested in someone as young as I, *apart* from the obvious reasons?

[osopardo]

...I remembered at least some of you people being sensible, reasonable guys...and girls...

Are you sure you have the right forum?

Anyways, like Thai Bri said, it depends on the ages of the parties more than on the gap in the ages.

If you're 16 and he's 34 it's definitely inappropriate. There is a world of difference in your levels of maturity and experience and what you each would expect from a relationship. At 16, you still have so much to do and see and learn that I know that in 4 years you're going to become a completely different person. That process can easily be thwarted by putting yourself on hold for somebody who's (a) already been through that process and (b) not even around to be a real part of your life.

On the other hand, a 34 y.o man pursuing a relationship with a minor is a clear indication that he's probably not very mature himself. Consider that most normal people in this world by that age have finished their formal education, travelled, married, had children, established careers, etc. Why would such a person be looking to "cyber" with a minor? Based on that alone I can't muster the least little bit of respect or sympathy for the guy. He just sounds like a sad pathetic pervert loser.

If you're dead set on finding an "older man", he's not the one!








And neither are Thai Bri or me!

[Thai Bri]

Im with the Old Brown Bear.

This is not good for you. Stay safe and keep away form this person.

[Thai Bri]

..........and well done for asking the advce of some even OLDER men.

Stay safe and stay away. Good luck!

[Battery]

If you're 16 and he's 34 it's definitely inappropriate.
On the other hand, a 34 y.o man pursuing a relationship with a minor is a clear indication that he's probably not very mature himself. Consider that most normal people in this world by that age have finished their formal education, travelled, married, had children, established careers, etc. Why would such a person be looking to "cyber" with a minor? Based on that alone I can't muster the least little bit of respect or sympathy for the guy. He just sounds like a sad pathetic pervert loser.

Maybe I worded this wrongly. We don't "cyber" so much as discuss things...literature...people...differences in our countries. It's more of a friendship than anything else at the moment. It's a vegan message board (where we "met") so we've much of the same values and ideas anyway.
Is it still inappropriate, in your eyes?

I'm not 'deadset on finding an older man' (and you and Thai Bri are quite safe, thank you ), we just began talking and seemed to click....like a lot of the same music, hobbies etc. I like the guy, but of course can't see it going anywhere until I'm older.

[Thai Bri]

Be careful. People can sound very convincing. All those people who have been taken in in the past haven't all been idiots. They have been duped by con men.

If he's 34 and interested in a 16 year old there is something not rigt, whether his "intentions" are honourable or not.

[osopardo]

Ditto everything Thai Bri just said.

If his intentions were "honorable" he'd be saying the same things we are, not talking about how you two are so alike and how you're soulmates and all that other stuff guys say because they figured out it's what you want to hear. He'd be saying, "I really like you and it's very tempting but I'm old enough to be your father and that just creeps me out."

I used the word "cyber" a little facetiously, but if you think about it most effective seductions begin with innocent platonic talk and slowly escalate to more intimate suggestive stuff.

You say you can't see it going anywhere until you're older. How much older? 25? (He'd be 43). When you're 30? (He'd be 48). OK good, I cant see anything wrong with that. Dont pursue a relationship with this guy until you're 30 and you have my blessings! In the meantime, don't tell him who you are or where you are.

[gregimotis]

I'm not quite 17.
He's on the other side of the world, which makes it a lot safer, especially considering I'm still a minor.

I'm sorry, you don't have any idea where he is - next door or 4000 miles away. Anyway, he can travel to your high school door in 10 hours from China if he wants to.

We do not plan on 'doing' anything other than communicating via emails and the message board for at least another year and a half, but the fact still remains that he's, well, 34.

You don't plan on this, he may not plan on it right this minute, but at some point he will change his mind... or he may just say that because he knows you might get nervous and cut this off.

We've spoken about meeting one day and he seems pretty convinced that I'm something special to him.

So, you don't plan on meeting for a year and a half, but you're already discussing meeting? Review my first point where I pointed out that he can be at the place you work later this afternoon if he decides to.

I fully realise my lack of experience here - what do you think? It seems to me that his motives are relatively pure, in that he's a "good" person.

No it doesn't seem that way. Thirty-four year old men are not attracted to teen-age girls except as sex objects. (lets get down to it here).

Is it strange for someone that age to be interested in someone as young as I, *apart* from the obvious reasons?

Lots of older men are attracted to teen-age girls - but not normal older men. Sometimes it's men who can't deal with women their own age (for whatever reason); Sometimes it's pedophiles; Sometimes it's sexual opportunists.

Here are a couple things to consider:

Why would a 34 year old man who is nice and honest want to have a relationship with a teen-age girl he won't even meet for a year and a half? If he's really got it together, why hasn't he met someone where he is?

All adult men (and adult women, for that matter) assume that sex will be part of any relationship - hopefully within a few dates. Certainly sooner than 18 months.

There are many thousands of police cases of men who seemed 'perfectly nice' on the internet and turned out to be pyschos and perverts. Some of the girls are dead today, some raped, some just scared really bad.


Ask someone you know and trust about this - a teacher, a parent, an adult friend... be careful with yourself.

[osopardo]

You go greg!

[osopardo]

And you know what else?

You know it's not right, or you wouldn't be asking. Something inside you is telling you it's not right, but you want confirmation from outside.
Trust your guts on this one, don't try to convince yourself you're being silly or over-cautious. When in doubt, just get out.

[gregimotis]

WOW. The other users were 100% on target, i cant really add any more other than it makes sense that a vegan would fall for crap like this. Also usually its teenage and young girls who fall for that kind of crap which is why he went there in the first place because he realised that. Honestly break off all communications and let your parrents know. Also you might want to even considder involving the police.

Hikage asked if stupidity should be painful...Well I'm not sure if you want it to be that painful, do you want to be DEAD. Young girls are lured into this sitituation all the time and are never seen again, have you never heard of this kind of thing, did nobody ever tell you.

I'm not going to be too critical because i told some dick the town i lived and invited him to come to to the local mcdonalds for a fight, even though he's most likly an adult and I'm 16 also. But there's a difference: You're a week girl who's probally had no (or little) experience fighting and most likely isnt very street smart seeing that you're a vegan.

And he's one of the (mostly) good guys.... imagine!

[IPON]

And you know what else?

You know it's not right, or you wouldn't be asking. Something inside you is telling you it's not right, but you want confirmation from outside.
Trust your guts on this one, don't try to convince yourself you're being silly or over-cautious. When in doubt, just get out.

Exactly OSO and everything gregimotis said. Think statutory rape. There is nothin wrong with good conversation on the net with common interest. But unless you have done more than type, it should stay there. The country and world are complete with many truely sick people. The only think you know of this man is what he types. "but it was a vegan board" you say, well you are right but that does not mean he dosn't go other places on the net....you are posting here (for example.).

There is an organization (something like ) society of grown men who love little boys. I was working as a bouncer and when I found this out I truned around and walked out the doors and almost quit. Again, you only know what this man is telling you and whether you admit this or not your story indicated it is not just a friendly "click". Learn to take care of yourself because you only have yourself.

my 2 cents

[IPON]

I was intentionally being brief. This society of grown men focused on young boys and I am sure there is one regarding young girls. That is the reason there is statutory rape the assumption is that the adult should be the more responsible of the two. But most men don't care. In the news yesterdaya 19yr/old raped a 9yr/old on the subway with over 30 passengers who did nothing to stop it. The 19yrold.....was her uncle.


Regarding the incident. In NYC (and other cities) they have theme nights during the weekdays sometimes gay nights, dyke nights, house music, retro, live rock bands, etc. This is a straight club, but some DJ have there own following, Well I usually work on the weekends as I have a day job but sometimes I will work a wednesday or thurday. I don't know what party it is for until I get to the club. Though there are theme nights some people rent floors for the night (magazine tv network parties etc) as the clubs has three levels. On this night I thought is was a truely freak night...just a lot of sick stuff. Then the promoter (who was shit faced drunk) started shouting "thank you everone from the grown men who love young boys" it has an acronym but I don't know it...... but it turned my stomach .... I wish I had a gattlin gun and a machete at that moment. so Instead of going to jail I left. On the way out I talked to the owner becuase I couldn't believe he would rent space to these sick bastards and I found out that he did not know , they booked the room under a different name. He stated that he would not knowingly do that and he even paid me for the not but I left about 2hrs. So I continue to work there, becuase he has some morals and made a lot of changes and rules for these groups when the rent the rooms..