OT - How to avoid a Texas ass kicking.

[Lithp]

Is it pronounced George "double-you" Bush or George "Dub-ya" Bush?

[Masala]

I have hitchhiked both I-10 and I-40 through Texas......and every stereotype of dumb redneck cowboys held true.

[Mako]

Great Masala, I'm sure you ran into the classier element of the state during your hitch-hiking.


That would amount to me saying that I rode a Greyhoud bus up the east or west coast, and all the crack-addict, criminal element stereotypes held true.

[Masala]

Uhhhmmmm no.

When hitchhiking you get to see every town, and get to meet a lot of different people.... except in Texas, where they are all the same.

[Tony10]

ExCUSE me, pardner?

Oh... puhleeze. Another J.B. rant about how f***ing great Texas is, while Chicago's a "hellhole."

Actually, John, Chicago's a lot more than floaty pens and magazine racks and hot dogs rotating under heat lamps... but to see this you have to leave the airport...

As I plod through my Northern, Yankee existence, I wake up every day and think: "Gee, if I could really do what I wanted, I'd dress like a rodeo clown, wear a belt buckle the size of a hubcap, and head over to my buddies' place with a 36-pack of Schafer to watch 18 Wheels of Justice every night."

It makes me so angry, my Yankee status. It makes me want to smash my Nokia cell phone, burn my Ikea furniture and drive my imported luxury sedan into Lake Michigan, so I can drown in my Armani suit (translation for Texans: "Armani" means "Not Wrangler").

For the record, though, since you brought it up:

-If I put ketchup on my eggs, it's because it tastes good, and who cares if I'll offend a bunch of sh*t-kickin', t-shirt wearin' yokels stroking their crumb-filled mustaches and eyein' my f***ing breakfast, sayin' "You ain't from around here, are ya, BOY!"

-What is with you people (famous exclusionary phrase uttered by--hey, a Texan!--Ross Perot when addressing a black audience during his campaign.... doh!) and the Europeans when it comes to ordering a "Coke"? What: if I say "Sprite" or "Pepsi" that's just too damn complicated for the person behind the counter to comprehend?! It's just too many damn choices?!

-Us Northerners don't think you're dumb, we just think you're freaks. Sure you can make fun of our rituals like public transportation, college, or bathing--but it's always the people in the cheap seats who throw the pennies. That's a metaphor. Translation for Texans: metaphor = "not Wrangler."

-Sure, there's no state taxes there. And you know what? You get what you pay for.

-So now Dubya has put Crawford, Texas on the map, disrupting the tranquil, serene, unfettered (translation for Yankees: "yokel") existence of the locals by a bunch of East Coasters with their designer labels and their cable news and their big words.

Hey: don't insult us Chicagoans by comparing us to those f***ing nut jobs. New Yorkers, like Texans (apparently), feel an inflated sense of elitism based on the mistaken belief that we don't live there because we can't, when the reality is we don't want to!. They just don't get that.

-And no Chicagoan is gonna listen to a lecture from Texans about how rough the "weather" is down there. I'm sorry if the humidity means you sweat-stained your rhinestone shirt or if you burned your hand on your now-scorching belt buckle while trying to open a PBR bottle on it. You guys are babies. Come here and sit through the 100+ summers and then the minus 50 winters--sometimes weeks apart!--and we'll see who the tough guys are!

[Mako]

Tony,

That one cracked me up! Although i've lived in Texas for the last 10 years, I grew up (until I left for college) in St. Louis. The weather is in fact, brutal.

HOWEVER ,

To throw off a few of your stereotypes... although i'm in Texas:

I do not, nor have I EVER owned a pair of cowboy boots, hat, or wranglers.

I have a B.S. in Computer Science, Summa Cum Laude

I don't chew redman!

I acutally own Ikea furniture, drive an Expedition (not a 4x4 pickup) , and yes... i'm even able to get DIGITAL service on my phone.


The truth of the matter is, if you leave Chicago and go into the countryside (Normal, Sandoval, etc.)... you'll find the same "rural" (to put it nicely) lifestyle you find in any state, Texas included. I've visited every metro area in the U.S., and with the horrible cancer of national chains, they are virtually identical. I've been to the same mall in L.A., Dallas, Chicago, Atlanta, etc.

Try this test to see how "different" our cities are:
How far from your home or office is one of the following:
Chili's or TGI Friday
Barnes and Noble (w/obligatory Starbucks)
BestBuy


I think for all our posturing... the only real difference is weather.... and state taxes!

[Lithp]

How come nobody has commented on the revolver and empty beer cans yet?

Although I do agree with the politeness towards older folk. That seems to get lost in other parts of the country.

This is a really funny thread.

[Aloha From Hell]

Originally posted by sabrutat1
Austin Tx is the Live Music Capital of the World.

NOT.

Liverpool has, and always will be, the music capital of the world. Live and otherwise.

[Qkfx]

North v South

Having grown up in a rural southern area, VA, and then moving into many urban areas, D.C., Philly and Miami I've noticed some differences and alot of similarities. First off there is a world of difference between someone who chooses to live in the country and a redneck. Redneck is to country as Ghetto punk is to city.
Both Trailer & Ghetto trash tend to like gold, be it chains or rims, or teeth.
Both have an affinity for fried foods, chiken, steak etc..
Both tend to keep in close contact with their cousins...they always have a connection or a hook up through a cousin.
Both tend to like high-drama ..see Jerry Springer
Both look down on "book learnin"
Both claim to be held back by some other group (i.e. da man, those people etc...)
Anyway for the most part I've found some nice folks in both settings

[E1am]

Re: ExCUSE me, pardner?

Originally posted by Tony10
New Yorkers, like Texans (apparently), feel an inflated sense of elitism

Man, that is true. But Texans are hands down the worst. They are second only to Canadians in nationalism (since they seem to think Texas is a country). That's why I never had any desire to go there and haven't liked most Texans I've met. All they did was go on about how great Texas is. At least New Yorkers actually have something to brag about.

This kind of reminds me of when I moved to Atlanta from NY. There was an editorial in the newspaper by an Atlantan going on about how she was tired of yankee transplants laughing at native Atlantans for their inability to deal with a little snow. The same way she might scoff at the "balmy weather that passes for a heat wave in New York City." She obviously never spent a summer NY.

[scyman]

the only thing the bay area has on texas is the summers. otherwise, you have to put up with the traffic, selfish and fake people, being ridiculously overcharged for a crappy little apartment, paying high gas prices to drive on crappy roads, and shady ass utilities. being a texan who has come to the bay area for school, i can honestly say that the thing that makes the most difference is the people. you can say texans are racist, weird, etc, but you can't deny that they are some of the most genuine people you'll ever meet. the difference between texans and californians is that people in california claim to be accepting of everyone, but are just as racist and even more segregated than texans, they just try to hide it while acting fake to your face. california is full of shady people, and i've learned not to trust anyone here. i must say though, san diego is a nice place with great people, and shouldn't be included with the rest of california. honestly, i got lured into the bay area hype, and can say that it would be a decent place if it weren't for the nature of the people here. i think it doesn't matter where you are, it's the people surrounding you that makes it or breaks it. that's how texas has made something special out of a big, flat state with bad weather.
btw, not all of us are dumb country rednecks, but we do have our share.

[Mik_36]

Re: Re: ExCUSE me, pardner?

Originally posted by E1am

They are second only to Canadians in nationalism (since they seem to think Texas is a country).

Canadians put that act on for Americans, believe me. The only time they rant and rave about being Canadians is when an American is around, and it is always in the context of America being a sh*t hole. Occasionally they have some points on that however.

And they also say that we are the Nationalistic ones, some even say they wish they had our National pride.

Canada is great (I've lived and gone to school there, my Mom lives there, and I am a dual citizen) but they do have a bit of an inferiority complex for some reason. I don't really know why, Canada is a great country. But so is the U.S..

[Mik_36]

I think scyman is right.

I've always likes Southerners. I think they tend to be more genuine than alot of "Yankee" Northerners. But I guess they would call me a Yankee so......

[E1am]

Re: Re: Re: ExCUSE me, pardner?

Originally posted by Mik_36

Canadians put that act on for Americans, believe me.

That's absolutely untrue. I've heard this complaint from Brits, Ozzies, the Irish, and Kiwis as well. And I've seen it in action here in Japan. We'll have a party that is a mixture of expats and Japanese, and some Canadian will corner a poor Japanese person (who listen politely to what you have to say no matter how boring it is) and rant and rave about Canada or go on about obscure episodes in Canadian history. They are also the only people that wear their flag as a badge every where they go. They say it's so people won't mistake them for American. But the fact almost any white person (the same is often true for blacks) will be mistaken for American outside of the West. But you don't see Brits walking aroung with a Union Jack on their backpack.

[Mako]

Man, this thread is cracking me up!

To clafiry a point.... Texas was a nation.
(and there are still a few "republic of Texas" freaks that hold that the annexation of Texas was illegal, and they have even attempted to re-establish the "legitimate" government.... freaks!) LOL!

For this reason, the Texas flag is the only state flag that can be flown at the same height as the U.S. flag on a a flagpole. Other state flags are technically supposed to flown a bit lower when flying next to the U.S. flag.
(Just a bit of trivia to get the bombs flying here!)