true stories.

[shaolin-warrior]

Oh yeah,
When I grow up I want to be just like you..........

[Jiu-fu fighter]

Indeed ask him, is he taking on any understudies at this point?

I would love to be like garland one day

but at this point I am only going to fishing school to become a master-baiter

[makiwara]

some old lady looked at me funny, so I totally kicked the beejeezus out of her ailing dog with her walker, consequently breaking her hip in the process...
after which I mugged a group of girl scouts passing by for all the money they were raising for orphans with cancer...
and then I proceeded to stomp the shit out of a lemonade stand run by a mentally handicapped individual...
I then defecated in a church parkinglot, sexually solicited a nun and a trail of alter boys who were following closely behind her and urinated on an american flag...all while singing a mix of deutschland uber alles and dixie land.
I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...


and after a hard day's work, I treated myself to a glass of that lemonade and some of the samoa cookies I ripped off of those little trollips (!), and dreamed of the day I would be rich enough to open my own manatee farm, and the sweet, succulent taste of manatee burgers and dolphin fries with seal sauce, slurped down with the tears of incest survivors.

the end.






...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

Dude that was great. Ever heard of Carl Hiassan (SP?) You should write.

[treelizard]

Yes, that was hilarious.

A friend of mine got egged yesterday as we were walking from a bookstore to a cafe. One egg and one water balloon in such a short period of time--makes me want to drive *everywhere.*

[Tom Yum]

.....I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...

...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

Sounds like one helluva minstrel show...

[Tant01]

I got hit with a drive-by water balloon the other day. ...

.... I found out one of my friends got hit with a drive by paintball once, and that made me feel a little better.

I knew a cripled guy years ago that was hit by a beer bottle. That cripled him...
One of my long time friends was mock assaulted by a punk with an Airsoft pistol. He "killed" her and walked away muttering laughter...

Yeah, sick world, eh?

[shaolin-warrior]

I had a kid whip an egg at my 67 mustang. I got out chased him down, calmly dragged him back to my car and made him remove his shirt and wipe it off. Trust me it took a lot of self control not to kick his punk ass.

[Tom Yum]

Whoa! Early 80's toga.

[Tom Yum]

True stories?

K, so I met this chick online in 2001.

The end.

[Tant01]

Yesterday I was nearly hit head on by a guy in a white ford station wagon, maybe a mercury? He was drifting into the opposing lane as he tried to use his cell phone right in front of me!

Does DEFENSIVE driving count? I'll tell you one thing. Those airbags go off and I'm going temporarily INSANE. They can call it road rage or murder but I'm going "Garland" on their ass.

No shit.

[treelizard]

true story- I'm so poor that I can't afford a new punching bag...so I had to duct tape phone books to a tree...

Poem I found yesterday:

The State of the Economy by Louis Jenkins

There might be some change on top of the dresser at the back, and we should check the washer and the dryer. Check under the floormats of the car. The couch cushions. I have some books and CDs I could sell, and there are a couple big bags of aluminum cans in the basement, only trouble is that there isn't enough gas in the car to get around the block. I'm expecting a check sometime next week which, if we are careful, will get us through to payday. In the meantime with your one-dollar rebate check and a few coins we have enough to walk to the store and buy a quart of milk and a newspaper. On second thought, forget the newspaper.

[Tom Yum]

true story- I'm so poor that I can't afford a new punching bag...so I had to duct tape phone books to a tree...

That's ok. Let's start a thread about cheap training methods? Cheap diets?

Been there, bro.

[treelizard]

http://www.rosstraining.com/articles/lowtechhigheffect.html

[jeff5]

Okay, guess its time to share. Here's my one street fighting experience.

This happened around 10 years ago now. At the time I was training mostly in Boxing, Kickboxing, some JKD etc.

Some of my employees and I were walking back from dinner. One of my employees somehow got into a fight with a guy. (As I looked back on the incident I think this moron caused it actually) Well this guy had several friends. So they wind up getting aggressive and starting to jump in. Meanwhile myself and a couple other guys who work for me are trying to stop the fight.

Well before I know it, this dumb ass comes to try and hit me. Now let me extrapolate on that a bit. When I say "try to hit me", this idiot took like a jumping step at me and cocked back his arm. He was so slow and telegraphic (to me), that I was able to see it, and hit him with a full right cross. I remember him falling back, but I don't know if he was back in it or out of it after that.

After that it was kind of a blur. Even right after the fight I didn't remember much. All I remember is his buddy hitting me from my right side, then I started to go wild and throw punches etc. I don't remember much of that part at all.

Next thing I knew, me and about 4 or 5 guys were falling down into someone's gang way. I got up, they got up, then they all started to pound on me. The only thing I could do at that point was a boxers double cover so that I didn't get my face beat in. Then after a few seconds, they ran away.

Again, I don't remember much, but I must have done something to these guys for all of them to start beating on me. Also, I went to go pick up my keys and one of the guys was standing there. I was like its cool man its over. He was like GET AWAY FROM ME JUST GET THE **** AWAY FROM ME!!! I was like...what did I do lol.

So that's about it. I got a bit of a bloody nose, a headache the next day, but no bruises or serious injuries.

I think I learned a few things. First, I don't try to stop fights. I'm either in a fight or out of it. If I'm out of it, I call the cops. If I'm in it, I go full bore. Period. Second is that multiple attackers is a fairly difficult scenario. I'm confident that against one, untrained individual, I could handle myself pretty well. Start adding people and the difficulty ramps up pretty quickly.

What's funny is that after the fight happened I was like I should have done this, could have done that, and wasn't really sure that I used my trianing. But when I really looked back I think I accounted for myself fairly well, and I actually did use a lot of the techniques I learned. Its just that the fancy schmancy stuff kind of went out the window, and I pretty much relied on basic attack and defense. (big suprise I know =P)

That's my story for what its worth!

[jeff5]

Good question Mike. I think more sparring would definately help. Also training situational awareness and multiple attacker scenarios.