true stories.

[osopardo]

...he didnt even get a shot in on me, cuz he had no arms, but still. [ATTACH]3279[/ATTACH]

Poor ol' BOB!

[WildWest.]

Good story Mike.

[Ryan G]

christmas break 2 yrs ago.
at a friend's apartment, it was a small party.
some dude named Ben, the guy was real cocky and drunk, he started fighting my best friend.
the little brawl turned out to be a serious fight in the room, i thought i saw my best friend's head was clocked by a metal chair when he fell, blood sprayed (but really it was a wine bottle knocked over... i was pretty drunk myself)
got on top of Ben and started pounding on him, after a few punched he gave up then i stopped.
we kept arguing who did what and who hit who after i thought the whole thing was pretty stupid, so i apologized, and left the party voluntarily.


the end.

[Garland]

some old lady looked at me funny, so I totally kicked the beejeezus out of her ailing dog with her walker, consequently breaking her hip in the process...
after which I mugged a group of girl scouts passing by for all the money they were raising for orphans with cancer...
and then I proceeded to stomp the shit out of a lemonade stand run by a mentally handicapped individual...
I then defecated in a church parkinglot, sexually solicited a nun and a trail of alter boys who were following closely behind her and urinated on an american flag...all while singing a mix of deutschland uber alles and dixie land.
I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...


and after a hard day's work, I treated myself to a glass of that lemonade and some of the samoa cookies I ripped off of those little trollips (!), and dreamed of the day I would be rich enough to open my own manatee farm, and the sweet, succulent taste of manatee burgers and dolphin fries with seal sauce, slurped down with the tears of incest survivors.

the end.






...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

[shaolin-warrior]

Hello,


Garland,
Your wasting your talents on this forum. That was some funny shit. Id pos rep you again but the computer wont let me. You crack me up. Pope in black face. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You

[shaolin-warrior]

Oh yeah,
When I grow up I want to be just like you..........

[Jiu-fu fighter]

Indeed ask him, is he taking on any understudies at this point?

I would love to be like garland one day

but at this point I am only going to fishing school to become a master-baiter

[makiwara]

some old lady looked at me funny, so I totally kicked the beejeezus out of her ailing dog with her walker, consequently breaking her hip in the process...
after which I mugged a group of girl scouts passing by for all the money they were raising for orphans with cancer...
and then I proceeded to stomp the shit out of a lemonade stand run by a mentally handicapped individual...
I then defecated in a church parkinglot, sexually solicited a nun and a trail of alter boys who were following closely behind her and urinated on an american flag...all while singing a mix of deutschland uber alles and dixie land.
I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...


and after a hard day's work, I treated myself to a glass of that lemonade and some of the samoa cookies I ripped off of those little trollips (!), and dreamed of the day I would be rich enough to open my own manatee farm, and the sweet, succulent taste of manatee burgers and dolphin fries with seal sauce, slurped down with the tears of incest survivors.

the end.






...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

Dude that was great. Ever heard of Carl Hiassan (SP?) You should write.

[treelizard]

Yes, that was hilarious.

A friend of mine got egged yesterday as we were walking from a bookstore to a cafe. One egg and one water balloon in such a short period of time--makes me want to drive *everywhere.*

[Tom Yum]

.....I did this all dressed as the pope, but in blackface...and under the influence of as many illicit substances as I could muster, and with the aide of some underage prostitutes of both genders, who had earlier helped me sell cat turds covered in kitty litter as almond rocca door to door.
I then tattoo'ed my body with razor blades and india ink various passages from the book of job from the bible, as well as verses from matthew, and dr. suess...

...whew...
that was pretty bad, eh?

Sounds like one helluva minstrel show...

[Tant01]

I got hit with a drive-by water balloon the other day. ...

.... I found out one of my friends got hit with a drive by paintball once, and that made me feel a little better.

I knew a cripled guy years ago that was hit by a beer bottle. That cripled him...
One of my long time friends was mock assaulted by a punk with an Airsoft pistol. He "killed" her and walked away muttering laughter...

Yeah, sick world, eh?

[shaolin-warrior]

I had a kid whip an egg at my 67 mustang. I got out chased him down, calmly dragged him back to my car and made him remove his shirt and wipe it off. Trust me it took a lot of self control not to kick his punk ass.

[Garland]

Sounds like one helluva minstrel show...

it would've been 100x better if this dude was there...he looks like he likes to party.

[Tom Yum]

Whoa! Early 80's toga.

[Tom Yum]

True stories?

K, so I met this chick online in 2001.

The end.